Well, well, well. It's been forever and a day since I've updated my diary. There are a number of reasons why. Hmm, let's see, most obviously, I have been busy, but not that busy. I bought a video game a couple of weeks ago and I beat it today. Every couple of months, when I'm feeling in need of entertainment to get me through a particularly difficult time, I buy a video game. This consumes my time for a couple of weeks, and then I don't play any games for months. With work falling apart around me, this was a perfect distraction during the evenings and I can tell you that the time has flown by. I also look at my computer and I think of the web-site and I just run out of energy/ideas. I was hoping a break from it would re-ignite some of that, and I'm sure it will. We'll see what happens over the next few weeks.
My brother's family came to visit this week. I tried to make some time to hang out with them, but it was very hard with my current work situation. For those who don't know, I have an extremely large Star Wars collection. I only collect the small action figures (though I haven't bought anything since February because I'm not as interested as I once was). The whole collection is displayed as movie scenes on different shelves throughout my apartment. Some people think it's cool, some think it's immature, and some just think that I'm a big geek. None of which matters. I think that the one thing that has singled out my maturity more than anything else, was the day I ceased caring what people thought and I decided to buy a few action figures. I was no longer worried about proving myself an adult to those around me. Once I did that, I was able to enjoy the nostalgia of it. I had a roommate a few years back who hated that I had any Star Wars displayed in the house. She had just turned 19 and she was so ashamed, because one of her friends made a comment about it. She accused me of being so immature because I had them. So, I guess, according to her, I either needed pictures of naked women on my wall to prove that I was a MAN, or art to prove that I was cultured. I hope that I continue to be true to me, it's exhausting putting up fronts so that you won't receive criticism. Anyway, back to my original thought. My youngest niece and nephew played for hours and hours with the Star Wars toys, which is great! Now that I'm not collecting any more, it's a tremendous joy to see them used as intended. (I may buy a few more action figures from the original trilogy, but I won't be buying stuff from the new movies, unless it's Yoda. Yoda is the coolest!) When I came upstairs to get on the computer the other day, I saw this mass of toys, all over the place, every single piece of plastic that could safely be removed from it's original toy was removed. The displays were no longer displayed and I looked at it for a few days before finally cleaning it up this morning. In the past I've reassembled the displays, but I'll be moving in a few months, so I sadly, picked up all the toys and put them away in my toy chest. This toy chest was the one I had as a kid, and now it is refilled with the memories. The upstairs is now a little more vacant because of it and I'm starting to feel a little sad about leaving. Things are coming full circle now. I arrived in Albany, September 29, 1996. I had just finished four years in the Air Force and I was able to arrive at my new home before my Birthday. Here it is the year 2000, and my job ends on September 30, 2000, the day before my birthday. My goal is to be re-employed down in Virginia by November 1. I have grown so much in the past four years. I finally feel like all that potential that everyone said I had is finally being realized. That is not to say that I am done yet, because I won't ever complete this journey. I have a lot of conquering left to do, before I'm done, and I'm not sure in what areas, but I am sure that I won't rest on my laurels, like others I've met who take for granted what they have achieved, or taken for granted the blessings they have received. I have a healthy fear that if I let up, I may lose too much ground. I'm not just talking about my professional life. My character has deepened over the past few years as well, and I don't want to lose that either. I still have some work to do on all these things, and when I hit the next plateau of 30, I hope that I will still be able to look back and see improvement, and to never be ashamed of my actions.
OK, on a related topic I received my discharge papers from the inactive reserves this week. As of July 16, 2000, I am no longer at all affiliated with the military. Hallelujah! The military is a great start, but it was never for me. This all ties in with this full circle idea that I threw out earlier. Eight years ago, I left Virginia to enter the Air Force, now that it's over, I'm headed back. I'm looking forward to being Uncle Tim on a more regular basis.
Well, that about covers my immediate thoughts, I'll write more this weekend.
The countdown has begun: 56 / 87
I'm Back!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha Ha Ha. Over the last two weeks my life has not been my own. I've worked over 3 weeks worth of hours in the past two weeks. I've been running on empty and occasionally I've thought to myself, is it worth it? Well, I think so. If nothing else, what else would I be doing while I'm looking to move? To a certain degree, I could think that they are taking advantage of me, or perhaps I'm taking advantage of them. Who's to know. I certainly don't.
In softball news, we're now 11 - 6 with one game remaining. We're trying to position ourselves for the playoffs and hopefully we'll win our next game and keep ourselves in a good position going forward. Who knows how it will all play out. On any given day, the ball can bounce in the right ways. This past Friday, it just bounced in the wrong way. The strange thing was what happened next. I don't know if it was a full moon, but it was a surreal evening. People were feeling a bit more amorous, a bit more willing to drink, a bit more honest. It was a funny night and I had the opportunity to see some of my teammates in different ways. I probably would have been swept up in it more, but I was so exhausted from my work schedule. That is not to say that I didn't drink or flirt, but I felt like I could observe the situation as if I wasn't involved.
Ok, now I get to write about what is most intriguing to me at this moment. Speculation about the new U2 album. Since U2 is my favorite band, I await the arrival with a mix of anxiety and hope. I want it to be something beautiful to add to an already incredible body of work. So as I ponder the titles listed below, I wonder what it will sound like. The album itself is entitled: "All That You Can't Leave Behind" which is a title that I like. It maintains it's ambiguity which lends itself to speculation. This, coupled with the track listing, gives me a starting point for my ponderings.
I discussed this with a co-worker, and my first take was something kind of earthy and good, but my co-worker responded that it sounded spiritual. I tend to agree. It's pure speculation of course, but I wonder if this is going to be a rosier view of America and the world at large. Bono has just completed a world-wind campaign for "Drop the Debt" which has asked the richest nations in the world to forgive the debts owed by third world countries. In his travels, he his met with the most powerful world leaders as well as the Pope. Has Bono grown old enough to see the world in a way that John Lennon did while he was creating Imagine? Or perhaps he's seeing the world as a man who has seen mountains move and his view is no longer of the boy who is trying to conquer the world, or the man-boy who sees America and the injustices that it inflicts upon itself. It will remain a mystery to me until I hear more from the album, but I wonder if the album will be relevant this year. This is not born of doubt, but of a realistic view of how difficult it is to connect with a large audience. Are we optimistic about our futures? We were six months ago when the stock market was making millionaires of paupers, but what about the youth, who have no part in that wealth? I get the sense that the youth of today are as scared as I was 8 years ago when I left school. That they don't see the opportunities, they see the chance that they will not be able to create a life as prosperous as their parents. Is it true? I don't think so. One of my favorite quotes is "The definition of happiness is the difference between your expectations and your results." When you have been given all the basics in life, you expect at least that. When given more, the bar is raised. It's a wheel we will continue to ride in the pursuit of the American dream. I don't think it's an evil thing per se. You just have to be able to look at your life and the ones around you and be thankful for what you have been given and what you have achieved. It's hard. I don't always remember how fortunate I am. I was raised in a middle class family, but we weren't rich. We had everything we needed, but designer clothes, cable TV, etc were not staples. I got to get off of this line, I'm preaching again. Well, here is the listing. The first single is Beautiful Day. It sounds as though they have a wealth of B-Sides for this album which is a good sign. Pop had few. The Joshua Tree had 7 B-Sides. Feast or Famine? We shall see.
Oh yeah, I just learned a new trick. You can specify more than one font when you are writing text. This will allow people to see your site in a number of ways, without, having them completely throw your site off by defaulting a font which pushes everything around. I learned that from atu2.com a fantastic U2 site that I often reference for news. To a certain degree, they make my site, almost obsolete, which is why I'm trying for a more artistic thorough approach to the whole business.
Gotta get going. I'll try to keep you updated on my life, but since I haven't owned it lately, it's not a promise.
Countdown: 40 / 71
I'm watching the final episode of Survivor. Yep, I succumbed to the intrigue of this game, that turned out to be a game based on the mind, not the body. I, like many other people wonder how well I would do pitted against 15 other people. I don't think I would do that well, unless I won a bunch of the immunity challenges. I'm not really suited to messing with people's minds, and if I made it to the end of the game, I would probably be voted out because I was a threat. That is if I made it through the hardest parts, which are the parts that require survival skills of which I have none.
Ok, the show is back on and it's down to Kelly and Rich, and they haven't voted yet. I can say that this is one intense show. My applause for the creator, it's definitely a riveting show. So far 2 votes have gone to Kelly, and none for Rich. Rich now has 1 vote. Kelly has just received her 3rd vote. Vote is now Kelly 3, Rich 2 with 2 to go. I'm sorry to see that Rudy didn't take it. He voted for Rich. It's now tied with one to go. Who will it be? Greg cast the last vote, which was the tie-breaker for this whole thing. Drumbeat please...Rich won it! Wow! In hindsight, Kelly couldn't win, Rudy would have beaten her, if Rich hadn't.
Well, that's my thoughts for the night. I figured I would write about it since it's a great bit of television. Goodnight. Law and Order is on next.
Countdown: 38 / 69
Hello, it's Saturday night and it's a warmer night than usual for this summer. I'm listening to Moby's album Play. Specifically, I'm listening to Porcelain. I totally dig this track. It's a really good album.
Last night we played our last regular season softball game. We won 17 - 5. I had a banner day at the plate. I was 4 for 4 with 4 triples, 3 runs scored and 4 runs batted in. I haven't had a lot of triples this year, surprisingly enough. I have had 4 inside the park home runs (We don't score errors in our league :-) but not many (if any triples). Our whole team played pretty well. We did what we had to do and the game was important for us to win, because if we had lost we would have to play on Tuesday and a number of players wouldn't have been able to make it. Dave Matthews is coming to town and a couple of players will be there on Tuesday. We still have a very tough game on Thursday. The team we are playing have hit us pretty hard this season so we'll have to hit better than we have in the past against them. If we win enough games, I'll miss the end of the playoffs which will stink. I'll deal with that disappointment later if we get that far. It's been a thoroughly enjoyable season thus far, and I have only one other goal that I wanted to attain this season, which is to advance further in the playoffs than we did last year. Winning one game will accomplish that. Our record for the season is 12 - 6 and it landed us in 3rd place for the season. We have a lot to proud of.
In U2 news, some yahoo in Chicago played the first 1:20 of U2's new song "Beautiful Day" (God bless that DJ). As a result, it's on the internet, and I like it a lot! My guess, based on the first minute or so of the song, is that it will be in the lower half of the top 40 upon it's release. It's not a surefire single in today's music market. But I like it nonetheless. It's hard to compete with all the normal top 40 fodder. As an opening song for an album, it doesn't have the power that Where The Streets Have No Name or Zoo Station had, but it's melody is catchy and the Edge sings great harmony in the background as the song builds. Unfortunately, it just leaves me wanting more, which is a really good sign. I'm feeling a bit more anxious about the album's release now, now that I know that I will be listening to at least one song over and over again. October 9 is when the first single is supposed to be released. October 31, is the rumored date for the entire album, which is perfect, because I will be ready to leave the area, and I'll have a full blown U2 album to accompany me on my travels. How exciting! Life can be a wonderful journey, and it's time for another 90 degree turn for me.
On a personal note, I've become a little bit more arrogant lately, which I think is entirely based on my own fears of what is to come. Not that I have any real concerns about my future, but, you never know, and since I don't know, I'm putting up some bravado, and since lately, I've been getting some very nice compliments, I'm fueling this pride/arrogance thing. It's time to come down a bit, shut my mouth, observe, help, work, and prepare myself for the inevitable let down of being in an environment where I need to prove myself yet again. With my boyish looks, people often underestimate me. They've done it at work, they've done it at play. I'm not as soft as they think, I'm not as immature as I look, I'm wiser than my years. This will all change when my looks catch up to my actual age, but for now I need to continue this insane drive toward the top... wherever that is. I'm going to miss many things here, but it has almost nothing to do with the area, it's almost all people related.
Well that's about it for tonight. I'm going to work a little bit on the rest of the site. I'm in a bit of drought when it comes to new ideas. I've done some themes over and over again, and I'm getting bored with them. I need to continually push myself into a new direction. The problem with that is that it takes more time to create something that could be pleasing. I'll see what I can do.
Countdown: 35 / 66