Time is a commodity in short supply

December 8, 2001

    Sorry, ran out of time. The year's almost up, will update when I return.

Now Playing: When Your Falling - Afro Celt Sound System featuring Peter Gabriel

I can't get through this smoke that's surrounding you.

Because when you're falling I can't tell which way is down.


Why do I write?

December 27, 2001

   

    I begin to crack my knuckles like a pianist right before he begins to play Beethoven. Yes, it's been that long since I've updated the site. The hands are quite untrained now for the task of letting you know what's going on. It's been too much, obviously. And today is no different. I'm writing today despite the fact that I am again ill with cold. I started feeling the tickle in my throat on Sunday while I was at the movie theatre seeing Lord of the Rings. I'm pretty sure that I'm running a fever right now, but it's early so I'll try to get this out of the way... not that you're a bother, no no, but I have been absent for a while, so instead of procrastinating until tomorrow, or next week, I may as well start on it tonight. It helps that I don't really want to do anything productive this evening, so instead of vegetating in front of the TV watching my new U2 video, (more on that later) I am selflessly keeping you informed in this oh so important thing called my life.

    Well, at least my dry sarcasm is in good form, so pardon me if I utilize that weapon this evening. It's been a whirlwind since last I sat down with you to discuss life. Not a bad whirlwind, and in fact probably not all that interesting or different than anyone else's life, but it has been busy, and I admittedly put this last on my list of things to do. Sorry, but the urge to converse isn't with me every day, and I'm still seeking some understanding on what it means to write this thing. After all, I have motivations, right? So are they pure, or not. Or are they just benign. I can't answer that, the more I think about it, the more I can create motivations that aren't pure. Whereas my original intent was to have a way to let people know how I'm doing. Another motivation was probably that I wanted the glory that accompanies writing. Yes, occasionally there is joy to be had when someone tells me that they were laughing at something I said, or that they thought that I wrote well, or even liked me in general. Here is where it gets fuzzy. Why am I questioning my own motivations? It's simple. Someone reminded me. There is a desire in me to please everyone. I know that I can't, but then a secondary desire is that I don't offend anyone. Once again, I won't always be successful there either. So my next course of action is usually to remove myself from the situation, until I can feel good about it again. So, in not writing, I've succeeded in not pleasing everyone, and succeeded in not offending anyone. So, basically I can't win. I tend to try to surround myself with folks that more often than not will be healthy for me. I try to keep people that aren't healthy for me at a distance. Now, this is not a pronouncement of good and evil. It's more a matter of taste. Trying to explain that certain people don't mix well, without talking details is tough to do. Sometimes people just get vibes about things. Sometimes you can't explain why you like one person, and not another as much. Even though they add up to a terrific person, they still don't do it for you. No one has been able to nail down this indefinable thing called love. Or the opposite reaction where you just feel uncomfortable. And no amount of discussion or rationale is going to change that. I know I've tried to earn favor with people, and I'm not always successful. When you try too hard you usually end up contorting yourself into uncomfortable positions. Eventually, you'll probably return to your natural state, at which time the illusion may fade, and you'll lose them anyway. Or if you never win their affections, you just bend about in agony, with nothing to show for it. Except the knowledge that you shouldn't have tried in the first place. 

    OK, rants over for now. On to the news and life as we know it. Did I tell you I was sick? I'm going to be taking NyQuil (did I even spell that right?) tonight! I thought about taking some last night, but it was awfully late when I thought of it, and I didn't want to have a hard time getting up. So, instead I abstained and slept choppily. Normally, I sleep quite deeply, but with one nostril stuffed up, I woke up repeatedly. Hopefully, I can be out cold this evening. And no, I haven't taken it yet.

    Hmm, let's go back in time and recount the holiday season as it stands.

 

    The first week of December was devoted to writing Christmas Cards. I got them out nice and early, if you haven't received one, it's either because of one of four reasons. 1. I don't have your address. 2. I sent it, and it came back because of insufficient postage (I'll send them again, soon!) or 3. I forgot about you for some reason.  4. You live locally and therefore I didn't send one. So, I spent a number of days writing them out, addressing them etc. etc. 

    Having finished that task, it left me little time to get ready for my trip to Norman, OK. OK stands for Oklahoma. You may not be aware that we have a state called Oklahoma, but it's there, right above Texas. Sadly, I did not see much more than the hotel and the airport. We were not given rental cars, so I was pretty much stuck, unless I was willing to pay to go to Oklahoma City. It didn't seem worth it, to spend more to go to Oklahoma City, than it would have cost me to see Disney World. The reason for going was work. We were throwing a conference, and I actually had to speak to 9 classes consisting of up to 40 people. I gave the introductions for each class, and for 6 of 7 of the classes I gave a presentation. To my knowledge (and I should know, right?) this is the most public speaking I've ever had to do. The sessions went pretty well, and I think that I have enough charisma to keep the room intact, but next time I think I will prepare better. I was going off of the top of my head much of the time, which to a certain degree, made it more real than if all my jokes were canned. All in all, I don't think I have a future in broadcasting, but if I had to stand up and speak again, it wouldn't be all that frightening. In general it was a good trip. I met some very nice people, and it was good to see the people that we're helping out there. I think it also helped my group to bond better with each other. Having a greater challenge to overcome has helped us to put away much of our own personal ambitions which can get in the way.  Hopefully that will remain so. I used to laugh at those body builder types who were basically trying to become top dog, and show their superiority. It made me chuckle, up until I met people in the computer world, who do the same thing with their minds. Everybody's flexing, no one wants to concede. We're men. What can we do about it?

    I returned from my trip on December 15th. Which meant that I had only 10 days to do all of my Christmas Shopping!!!! OH NO, what to do. Stay busy, do nothing but the goal. That's what I did. There was one pitfall to all of this, which will I describe to you. For those who have been in my home, you will have seen a fairly large display of Star Wars Action Figures. Growing up, I loved Star Wars! As an adult, I still very much enjoy the series of movies. In 1996, Hasbro and Lucasfilm began to issue new action figures for the original Star Wars Trilogy. It started innocently enough where I bought Luke Skywalker and Yoda, etc. Before I knew it, I had just about everything on the market. At the tail end of 1999, I pretty much stopped collecting. Episode 1 wasn't doing it for me, and so I just concentrated on my main squeeze U2. Well, all that changed when I walked into Toys R Us and found new original Star Wars Trilogy action figures that would be destined to make my collection complete. To add to this, I'm the Star Wars Uncle. It's my job to seek out the best figures and toys for my nieces and nephews. So, I'd say that I purchased over a dozen new figures for my collection during this Holiday season. So, I'm glad that it's over. My wallet can only afford so much. Fortunately, I did get all of my shopping done before Christmas.

    This Christmas was good. No fighting, no drudging up the past, no REAL disappointment. I think we've finally coped with the idea that Christmas will never again be like it was when we were children. It couldn't possibly be, but still, we were looking for that magic on Christmas Morning. Instead of feeling that Magic, we try to draw it from the Children. One cool thing was my nephew, who upon seeing that he was going to open a present from me, he said "Cool, it's gotta be a good one!" He could disappear in my Star Wars room for days, if he didn't have to eat. It's fun being the rich Uncle. It beats being the Poor single Uncle. :-) I don't deny that I've been blessed, despite me. As overwhelming as it can be to be a homeowner, I'm still very happy to be one. It's often hard to decide what to do next when I arrive in the house. There is often too much to do, and it can be daunting, but I will get to my self-appointed tasks eventually, even if it's on the day that I sell the house. All the bills for my first month have come in and have been paid. I'm starting to get a feel for what it costs to live here, and it's manageable. I would like to be able to devote more to savings right now, but Christmas does put a dent in that sort of thing.

    I would like to thank everyone who sent me cards during this Holiday season. It has made going to the mailbox that much more fun. It's also good to hear from some of you. Ok, all of you, since I don't hear from you as often as I'd like to. Which is not your fault. I know that I'm severely backed up in the E-mail department. Please be patient. As you can tell, I haven't been writing much at all in the last month.

    2001 is almost complete, and it has been an amazing year. Not always a joyous one, but one for the record books nonetheless. Hopefully, I will be able to address all of the year in some sort of monumental flashback. We shall see, as time provides.

    Looking forward, I'm looking to save up some vacation time and see some relatives. My grandparents in particular. I'll try to schedule two trips next year. 3 if I'm lucky. The first destination will be Florida, though I don't know when.

    I've been writing for more than an hour, and I'm still all stuffed up. It's time to get this one in the can, so I can go to bed early. Oh yeah, I just forgot. I was going to tell you about the U2 video. A co-worker, who has DirecTV has taped 6 hours of their U2 broadcast as a Christmas gift. Bless her, I've already watched 15 minutes of footage that I've never seen before. And I've seen a lot over the years. It was hard to pull away.

 

Now Playing: Always - U2

Turn each song into a prayer.

     

Enter Fritz, stage left

December 28, 2001

   

    Oh how I miss my friends that live far away. Sometimes I just want to talk about all the stuff that I can't write about in here. Well, I'll try to make myself feel better by writing about something I can discuss. Which in part contributes to my sadness and general malaise.

    My sister-in-law and my niece called me today to inform me that on Christmas Day, their dog (a very small, good natured beagle) bit their friend who had stopped by the house to walk the dogs. Fritz (the dog), bit our friend on the face, requiring 11 stitches. To top it off, in the next day or so, my brother tried to move Fritz off the couch and he bit my brother's hand. So, they've now taken the dog to the pound, and they hope that Beagle Rescue will be able to find a new place for him. With a 4 year old girl, in the house, they felt the dog was not to be trusted anymore. The pound said that when Fritz bit our friend, he may have just been protecting the house, since Fritz had never met him before. But, when he bit my brother, he was showing that he was master of the house. The whole situation really just saddens me, and my brother's family as well. Fritz has always been my favorite, and would have loved to have a dog like him in my home, if I had the time to spend with him. We expected this sort of behavior from the other dog, not Fritz. The other dog has now heeled to my brother, and I suppose that Fritz now felt it was time to assert his dominance. The whole situation sucks. I wish I had a solution for everyone involved, but I don't really know the first about training a dog, and it's kind of too late for that in their home. I also pray that no scarring will occur with our friend. He's a real standup guy, and I hate to see his kindness repaid in such a way. My brother's family didn't see this coming. I'll say it again. The whole situation sucks.

    I'm written out for now. I'm not in the mood. Thankfully, I'm feeling better physically today. That's something to smile about.

 

Now Playing: Chorus - Erasure

Go ahead with your dreaming, for what it's worth.