I friend of mine's mother died tonight. I do not know him very well, but he is dear to one of my best friends. The woman who passed away was relatively young. She was taking care of her own mother who has been in the hospital, and a condition of hers flared up. Some sort of reaction to the climate or the environment. Another old friend of mine lost her mother to cancer last month, I can't even begin to imagine how they feel. To even scratch the surface of the grief I would feel is sad enough. To actually immerse yourself in the situation is mind numbing.
Peter Gabriel wrote a song called "I Grieve" for the City of Angels Soundtrack. It seems to be apropos for this situation. My prayers go out to his family and my dear friend, who never had the chance to meet her.
Mom, take care of yourself.
Weird, I think my Alt key was stuck, I tried to tab and kept switching windows. Problem fixed. I've been thinking of this whole idea of writing a journal. I can tell you that I have two inspirations for this. 1. Doogie Howser and my friend Don. He has an amazing journal on-line. I think I'll call him Doogie Howe this week and see how far his eyes roll.
My deepest feelings can not really be revealed here, primarily because I have opinions about everyone I meet, some good, some bad. I also don't want to reveal some things about myself. So, why do I do this then? I think it's a bit cathartic to step back and look at things, writing does that... well, it does when you're not censoring yourself. Maybe it's just exhibitionism. Which is probably true. The only problem for me is that I only want to reveal the good parts. I'll figure it out as I go along. I'm currently listening to the new Cure album "Bloodflowers" I'm not entirely satisfied with it, but I really like tracks 1, 4 and 7.
More death. My friend's grandmother died yesterday. Too much to deal with right now for her. I have been fortunate that I have not had to deal a lot with death. I have had a few relatives pass on, but I'm relatively young and all my grandparents are alive. I do have to give some compliments to the people I work with, they have been very supportive of her.
As you know, I'm still in the construction phase of this website, I'm working on Depeche Mode. Which means that I'm now listening to a lot of Depeche Mode so that I can get lyrical ideas for each album. Just between you and I the lyrics on the first album are practically adolescent, which is understandable, since they were kids when they wrote it. Anyway, I've got "Black Celebration" in the player. The second song on the disc is "Fly on the Windscreen." "Fly on the Windscreen" begins with the line "Death is everywhere." The chorus is "Come here. Touch me. Kiss me. Touch me. Now." It sounds misplaced, but it seems to be a normal reaction to death. Or if not normal, common. To defy death, we must embrace life. Sex is the beginning of life. In some ways, my brain can't get around the concept, because it seems wrong to do anything but grieve for the lost. Yet, there is a yearning to conquer death. To affirm all that life is. Hmmm, maybe I'll just eat instead.
No volleyball tonight, schools are closed this week. This gives me an opportunity to work on the site. I've been watching the Thursday night lineup on NBC. Can anyone tell me why Jesse is still on TV? For that matter I read that Charlie Sheen is going to replace Michael J. Fox on Spin City. Apparently Michael J. Fox has Parkinsons Disease. How many seasons do you think that Charlie Sheen will last before they cancel the show? 1? I think it will fizzle like Newsradio after Phil Hartman died. Too bad on both counts.
I just had to rebuild the navigation on my web, all because I wanted to put a frame on my home page. Since a frame is actually several web pages you can't use navigation bars which auto link, because each page in the frame is not on the navigation map. That's it for tonight. Time to go to bed. Spent a lot of time doing very little in regards to this site tonight. I tried installing a digital camera and I don't have any ports left. My modem is on the internal port, so I have to figure out what I'm going to do about it. Good night.
I've just scanned pictures in from the Holiday Christmas Party. It's frustrating when you can't scan it in quite the way you'd like to. Trust me we look beautiful. Who would have known we'd clean up so well. It's the one time a year I get to wear a suit.
Actually I get to wear a suit in another 4 weeks. I'm going to be in a man auction. It's for a good cause and since I'm young, single, and I have a job, I've made the three primary requirements necessary to be bid on. Let's hope I make minimum bid.
My father went to see his family this past weekend, which is nice, but then he started dealing out my site address. I'd be OK with it, but I'm hardly dressed for the internet yet. Just kidding Dad, and for the recipients of this address, thank you for stopping by. It's a wonder how much you can do with a few simple tools these days. Well, it's time to put this thing up there for all to see. Hope you've had a nice February, it's just about over. Goodnight M.
My every love is now developed anew. - Anonymous