June 5, 2001

        Time to speak. Time to write. So much to say, yet I seem to remember little from the time I last wrote. I'll try to hit the hi-lights and a few thoughts on aforementioned hi-lights. I went and saw a realtor a few weeks back. The housing market is pretty obscene here. To buy a townhouse in a decent neighborhood around here, I'll have to spend $150,000 plus. I've been concerned about a down payment, but in actuality my savings will cover the closing costs and not a heck of a lot more. Fortunately the interest rates have been coming down. I'm just going to wait a little longer to see if the housing market dips or remains stable. I believe that it's inflated at the moment, and I don't want to buy at it's height. My primary reason for buying is so that I can invest in the future, so I'm going to try to be wary without being a coward. It's a fine line, let me tell you.

    My brother has just gotten a new job. He will be moving from one high school to another. I believe that this will be a great move for him. On the one hand, it puts him at a school much closer to his current home. It's also near the church he belongs to. They are also looking to perhaps buy a house in that neighborhood so that he'll be a stone's throw away from work and church. The problem is that the area he's looking to move to is even more expensive than this one. They will have gained a great deal of equity from this home, but it's doubtful it will cover the added expense of moving into a single family home. Fortunately, they will not be kicking me out, if I choose to stay. In a few short months I will have paid off all of my credit card debt and will only have my school loan to worry about. All of these are factors in when I buy a house, at the moment, I have plenty of freedom, plenty of space to live life comfortably. It's better than living with my parents because the adults here are my peers and for some reason I still have a rebellious streak in regards to my parents... Actually, let me rephrase that, I don't have a rebellious streak, I'm just feel guiltier about the sins I already commit.

    I returned from my vacation on Sunday, which is another reason for the long silence here at the site. One of the other reasons for the silence is that I don't like writing when I'm not in a good mood. I don't like writing in a bad mood, because at this time I don't have anything to be angry about, yet I'm often in a funk. I'm in a funk, for a number of reasons, but mostly it's because life is not as satisfying as it once was, and yet, all signs point to YES. Therefore, I feel like I'm whining, and I don't like it, but my mood is revealed in my writing, because my mood colors everything I do. It's not as if the color is black, mostly a charcoal or gray, which isn't very appealing to me either. Steady as she goes is how I like it. I've been very concerned about this aspect of things, because I would rely on being happy before writing and life does not work that way. In actuality, it appears that life is often dull, punctuated with happy and sad moments (I realize that this is not a revelation to most of you, but it has become even more clear to me over the past several months.) One of the reasons I've decided to share this with you is that I was talking to one of my friends in Albany who told me that reading my references to the not so happy times is actually comforting to him. Not because he's happy that I'm sad, but that it's real and we're all going through it. Different degrees on different days. None of us are entirely satisfied with our lives, we're in flux, we had a good gig before and now we're trying to balance the boat, or in some cases, figuring out how we can get off. Searching for mates, the daily grind, questions of faith, questioning about whether or not this relationship will last. The questions are more frequent than the answers, although we fabricate quite a few, don't we? It's ok, it's what gets us by while we're answering some of the more immediate questions. So, in a way, I'm feeling better about where I'm at, because I'm starting to realize that I'm never going to get there. I can't nail it down and put it in a box. I think that's where many marriages go wrong. We take for granted the constant care and attention that is a relationship. Over time it's easy to forget if you're not reminded. It's easier to forget, when you're not listening.

    So, along with the conversations with friends, and the congregation therefore, which was at times, wonderful. I was able to play some golf with my father, the first outing was terrible. The second was very encouraging. I'm looking forward to playing again soon. I also had the opportunity to play Twister! It was riot, we had a great time. I think more single adults should play. I often think that there is not enough playfulness between the sexes. It's almost serious or nothing at all. I think that's why I liked playing softball and volleyball. They were both coed and it allowed you to do stuff together without having your brain get in the way too much. Speaking of Softball, I played an inning in a losing effort while I was in Albany. They are not doing well, but it's not for lack of talent. All three of the new guys can play well, so they aren't missing me. Two factors that have affected them are that they lost their most dominant female, who was an all around great player, and they are now playing better teams. The combination is hurting them pretty good. My softball season should be starting soon. I don't know when our first game is, but I believe it's soon. I'm guessing that we'll be rusty out there. I know I was. 

    Ah ha, now for the exciting stuff. U2. It was a really great show for me, I don't think that Bono was particularly on, and it probably wasn't the best show I've seen them perform, but a combination of things made it very very memorable and excellent. One problem about seeing a band multiple times, is that your expectations are set. You're much less easily surprised and frankly want more. I've been reading the reviews and so forth, so I kind of knew what to expect and there were a few moments that I was moved. The most excellent thing about the show was that I was able to bring one of my best friends with me. We arrived at 2:00 PM and got in line to get inside the heart. We barely made it. They allowed 350 people into the heart and we made it in. It is by far the best place to be when you see the show. It's a pain in the ass to wait in line. I thought that I wouldn't have to do that again.   

June 10, 2001

   But wait! There's More... I never finished my diary entry for June 5, I'm going to try to seamlessly bridge the gap between the entries, if I don't then oh well.

   Let's start with my continuing thoughts on the U2 show. Being in the heart was the best place to be, so although it was a pain to wait around, I had a patient friend who enjoyed the fruits of our labor. Bono was not his best in Albany, but at the same time, the song selection was excellent and aside from Gone the crowd was excited. Gone is a good song but unfortunately (like most of Pop) it probably won't reach the 20 year classic status that so many other U2 songs have reached. Kite was excellent, I was moved. In part because I had my arm around my friend and the lyrics were fairly appropriate. We have been best friends for the past couple of years, and she was one of the few people that I'll always miss. The lyric that I'm referring to is: "I want you to know that you don't need me anymore. I want you to know, you don't need anyone, or anything at all." It's not just the lyric, it's the way he sings it.

   One problem about having seen U2 11 times (and counting) is that the bar is raised as far as your expectations are concerned. I own a number of bootlegs and have heard the best that U2 have to offer in sound and performance, giving an accurate or fair portrayal of how they performed is hard for me. Like I said earlier, Bono was not feeling well, yet at the same time, he gave everything he had. I'm hoping that he is in better health when he reaches D.C. Speaking of which I just bought one ticket to the June 15th show. This will be the first time that I'll be going to a concert alone. I'll be going to the show on the 14th with my brother.

   While I was in Albany, I caught up with a number of traveling U2 fans, some traveling from areas around the North East and some who have seen the band all over the country. Their motivations are varied, and all that I have met have been genuinely nice, but I can no longer see myself living the Bohemian lifestyle of hand to mouth. Some of these folks have just enough money to get tickets and travel together. They return home during the breaks in the season, but then continue on as long as they have enough money to make another road trip. Some are fans, some are opportunists, some are groupies. Except that in U2's case, they don't have your typical Rock & Roll groupies, a la Motley Crue. Most of these folks just love the music, the adventure and the quasi-fame that is associated with being close to the band. As in most things, I have a hard time remembering how it was. I'm neither as interested or as adventurous as I once was in these things. I found myself more interested in spending time with my non-U2 friends than in being with my U2-friends. I'm not slighting my U2 friends, some of them are fantastic people, that I probably wouldn't have met had it not been for U2. I suppose that for this tour, I just want to be a fan, not a fanatic. To a certain degree, I'm envious of them for having the time, the energy and the love to follow the band around. I guess I just don't want to know what I've been missing by seeing them only "3" times.

   Softball news, briefly. We forfeited our first game this week. Only 5 people committed to showing up. I have a feeling that I won't be playing softball this summer.

   Oh yeah, I forgot to mention one of the cooler things about the U2 concert. My friend and I brought in 3 disposable cameras. We used most of them up. She has 2 of them. I'm anxiously awaiting the pictures she took. She's a much better photographer than I am. In fact, I can't even call myself a photographer. I'll be bringing some more film to the next show. Having your own pictures is fantastic. I'll be posting them after I receive my copies. One last thing, the set design was pretty minimal, but there was some beauty and art in some of the presentations. With Or Without was very pretty. I'm looking forward to seeing the show from further back, so that I can take in what everyone else sees. Would I rather be in the heart, oh yeah, but at least I won't have to wait in line.

   I gotta be going, the rest of life is alright. I've got some holes that need to be filled here in Virginia. I still need to find some folks to hang out with. I just need to extend myself a bit. I'm a bit shy in that regard, I don't like awkward introductory moments. Especially with women. That's why I usually like to meet them while doing the things that enjoy. Hmm, I should look for a local volleyball league since Softball is not panning out. My brother has been encouraging me to hang out with the single folks at church. I will in due time. And perhaps I'll even let you know why I'm reticent to... It's not for the reasons you would expect, but I'm not ready to talk about it just yet. Sleep well, I'm thinking of you too.    

June 17, 2001

    Well, well, it's been an interesting and exciting week here. Perhaps I should start from the beginning of the week and work my way to the present.

    This is by far the most bizarre thing that I've seen in some time. On Wednesday I drove to my bank to pick up cash for the U2 concerts that I was going to be attending on Thursday and Friday. Wait, I need to explain a few things first. My bank is a Credit Union and therefore the branch is a little off of the beaten path, but not extraordinarily so. There is one road that winds through the office park and it's about 3 or so miles long. To get to my bank, I entered at the start of the road on one side. Instead of going back the way that I came, I continued on the road so that I could hook up with a major road so that I could finish my pre-concert preparation. So here I am driving the remaining mile and a half toward my next destination and I turn a corner and see two cars parked on the side of the road. On the top of one of the cars is a girl, who is standing. As I get closer, it becomes very clear that she is completely naked. From head to toe, no shoes, no nothing. She was in her twenties and had a decent body as far as I could tell.  As I passed, I could see that she was getting off of one car and onto the other, so what happened after that is a mystery to me. I wonder if anyone called the cops, or if they just used their cell phones to call their friends. Very strange. Very strange indeed. Up until now, I had only read about this sort of thing.

    Thursday night's show was better than Albany's show. Albany's show was awesome for me, because I was able to be inside the Heart, but on a musical level the Thursday show was better. Actually let me rephrase that, Bono was better. The band has sounded great at all shows, but Thursday was a treat because I was able to hear "In A Little While" and "The Ground Beneath Her Feet". "In A Little While" was great. The first show would have been even better for us, if it hadn't been for some really drunk and obnoxious people behind us. The worst was this girl who wouldn't shut up. She talked through most of "Bad" which really pissed me off. Fortunately, the second night had me in a better seat with only one obnoxious person near me. This person was less loud, but very animated. I'll describe him later as I go through the high-lights of the show.

    Friday was a good day for me. I was sweating a meeting that we were having at work. We were told before the meeting that we had to prepare a 5 minute presentation on what we are currently working on. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem for me, but I've been gun shy ever since our last meeting. During our last meeting, I proudly told my Boss what I was working on and he basically told me not to waste my time, no that's not right, he did tell me to not waste my time on it. The problem is that he didn't give me anything to do in it's place, so I left the meeting feeling a bit angry, and looking to find a new project to work on. I enjoy the problem that I'm currently working on, but am afraid that he'll do the same thing to me again.

    I prepared 6 bullets to discuss during my turn. I started to give status on the first issue, which he liked, because he gave it to me (weeks after the last meeting we had), and then I went into my second and third items which were related, at this point he stopped me, asked me a question and tasked me to expand the program that I was discussing in parts 2 and 3 to include much more. Then he said thank you and called the next person. The good thing is that I didn't get shot down for something that I was working on and now have a short list of things to accomplish, which, to me is fantastic. Give me something interesting to work on and we'll all be set. So, for the first time since I've been here, I'm sort of looking forward to going to work, which is amazing. I didn't think I would get there, ever. Suffice to say, I'm pleased.

    So, after having had a good work day, I walked out to my car and it was beginning to rain, then it was beginning to come down in buckets. Fortunately, I was in no hurry and drove to the Metro and waited in my car until it slowed down. I arrived at the MCI center at about 6:15 PM and headed to a local sports bar, which, although crowded, was terrible. The Burger, Fries and Beer were horrible. The beers were $4.50 a piece and had a lemony aftertaste. This is really surprising, because it was supposed to be Samuel Adams. I believe that they let it go flat, it was the worst Sam Adams that I've ever had. The upside was that I met a nice couple from Richmond. The girl and I chatted during most of the meal. I thought it strange that the guy didn't interact more, but he was an older guy, and probably quite comfortable with their situation. I tried to get him involved so that it didn't appear as though I was hitting on his girlfriend, which I wasn't. But I'm so used to people being unfriendly when they are dating, that I was surprised, but happy to have someone to talk to before the show.

    I got to the show and tried briefly to strike up conversations with the people around me, but response was cold at best. I think that they were concerned about the guy going to a concert by himself. I don't really blame them, I would have thought I was a freak too. But, I'd do it again. It was extremely hot and humid in the arena. Someone said that it was 85 degrees in there, plus whatever the humidity was. It didn't stop Bono from giving everything he had. I had the opportunity to hear "11 O' Clock Tick Tock" for the first time. "Stay" was exceptional. The Sweetest Thing, was just that, and Bono on keyboards was, dare I say, precious. "All I Want Is You" was fantastic, plus they played "New Year's Day" and "The Fly" which is a better version than the one they played on Zoo TV. Along the way, I was able to take about 50 more pictures of the shows I went to. They are currently being developed, and I'm hoping that enough of them came out. I was pretty far away for the disposable camera, but I tried. I'm going to cut this shorter than I'd like to. I'll just elaborate on the guy who was sitting in front of me. About 3/4 of the way through the show, he took off his shirt. Yep, it was hot alright. The guy was about 6' Tall and weighed somewhere in the range of 200 - 220. Kind of hard to tell since I wasn't looking that close. When One began, he said to his friend giddily "Did I leave a bad taste in your mouth?" I believe that this guy thought One was about blowjobs. Talk about missing the point. Through the last song and a half, he was high-fiving everyone who looked at him. I kept him in the corner of my eye, but wasn't about to start high-fiving like my team just won. They had won over the crowd, but I was just enjoying another great rendition of Walk On and wanted no part of it. Now that I look back, I chuckle, it's much more fun in hind-site. Oh yeah, talked to some people on the metro on the ride home, provided them some much needed U2 trivia, and was dubbed "True Fan." I'm content when people just go to an event to see the event, to me they are true fans. The only folks that I have a problem with are those who use a concert as an excuse to get wasted, or at the least stupid. You don't need to go to all of U2's shows to be a true fan. Besides, being a true fan is over-rated. You constantly have to renew your membership, which can be costly. I'll leave you with the following.

    Here's what I posted on U2tours.com. It was meant to clarify previous posts about the guy who came on stage. But, because I couldn't shut my fingers up, I ended up writing a lot more. I'm sharing it with you, so that I won't have to retype it again: 

First, the shows on both nights were excellent. Bono was in a great mood and he gave it all. I saw them up in Albany and he was sick, and the performance suffered because of it. (still a great show)
Stay was really pretty, Bono introduced it as a "beautiful song" and All I Want Is You was just amazing. It almost made up for not playing Bad :-)
Since I was in section 100, I had a pretty good view of what happened at the end of Bullet The Blue Sky and that fan. I don't know all the specifics because not all of it was caught on the microphone. Here's how I saw it:
This shirtless guy leaps over the barrier and security grabs him, Bono calms security and brings him up on stage. The guy stands up and sort of takes in the scene before realizing that Bono was gesturing him to come down to his level, (Bono was crouched) The guy said that "he only wanted to have a good time", then he said to Bono "I have a present for you." -- There were a few more words exchanged, then I heard the guy say "It's a Tattoo." The lights went down, and the guy was taken off the stage.
Bullet was shortened in comparison to the previous night. The previous night had Bono chanting "Who's that Man?,Mark Chapman" he did that over and over again with the spotlight pointed at his head like he was playing Russian Roulette. Hearing the fan saying that he had a present, sent a few chills through me. Mark David Chapman and John Lennon had been on his mind lately and this was eerily close to the idea of fame through osmosis.
One was preceded by a fairly long, and compelling speech by Bono. As he was gathering momentum in his speech, he said (paraphrased) 'There are over 2000 references to the poor in the Bible, and not one in which Jesus mentions whether or not someone is straight or gay' his point was that Aids is not a disease that we can ignore on a bibical basis, in fact the opposite is true. I'm no activist, but the numbers are alarming. Bono's speech helped me understand what "One" means to him, and in turn allowed me to get more into this performance. Oh, yeah, in the past he has sung the extra lyrics like this "Hear me coming love..."
Last night, and maybe on this whole tour, he has been singing "Hear me coming Lord, hear me call, hear me knocking, knocking on your door, hear me coming Lord, hear me call, hear me scratching, will you make me crawl?"
I have gone far afield of my intention here. I was just planning to add to the story of the guy who came on stage during bullet, but it reminded me of other powerful moments in the show. I personally like that Bono is more public about his faith these days. For years he omitted the Jesus reference in Sunday Bloody Sunday, but now he's singing it again.
To sum up why U2 have continued to be a powerful, emotional force, I'll try to re-quote Bono's blender references. He said that U2 have experimented with rock, dance and blues, because only when it's mixed up is it interesting. He then said that when you mix Republicans, Democrats, some student activists and some church groups, you get the power behind Jubilee (Drop the Debt).
And when you blend Sexuality, Faith, Doubt, Life, Death and Love, you get U2, who, despite their wealth and power, still understand that the greatest questions that face us all, are still unanswered.

    Oh yeah, one last thing. Twister Pictures are now available on my site. My buddy Don the infinitely prolonged has graciously sent us a number of pictures from that night. I've displayed a few choice ones in the ME section. Here's the link.

June 20, 2001

    Boy, am I disappointed. I got my 3 rolls of film back from the U2 concert and 95% of the pictures are crap. I knew going into this, that I was a terrible photographer. Throw in a disposable camera and you have an ugly combination. I have some lovely shots of people's heads, dim stages, little folks, whom I believe to be U2, but I can't be sure without computer aided improvements. 

    Hmm, I just took about a two hour break from writing. My brother interrupted me to ask if I'd help him with a video game. It was a nice distraction, but I'm still disappointed. I'll be putting up whichever pictures I can salvage from this experience. The shows were great, and I do have a few good pictures of my own, but I was extra jazzed that I could pick up my own personal memento of the show. I believe that is why U2 is fine with low grade photographic equipment at the shows. Basically, I believe that U2 feel that if the free market is flooded then people who wish to profit off of U2 will have less luck. Some people still profit from it, but less so than before. It's the same thing with bootleg MP3's. When people can download and share them for free the bootleg market can't sell their product. I've seen bootleg prices come down substantially. I used to see bootlegs go from between $25 - $35 per disc. Now, it's about $15 - $20, which is about the cost of most new CD's from a record label. Next time I go to a U2 concert, I'm bringing real camera, with at least some zoom capacity. Perhaps by that time, I'll have a nice digital camera that I can use. 

    Here's the kicker of why I'm really disappointed. I spent an extra $8.95 per roll to have it put on a CD for me. I figured, what a great investment of my money. It will save me time, I won't have to worry about a bad scan. I'll have the images in jpg's already. This is great, this is worth it. I now have 3 discs that are, in many ways, a waste of space. Actually I have two discs that are a waste of space. The roll I took in Albany is a bit better than that. Tomorrow, I'll check out how they turned up on the disc and see if I can use any of it on my site. Wish me luck! I'll need it.  

June 25, 2001

    It's barely the 25th. In fact it's 12:21 AM according to my watch. I was hit by flurry of inspiration and ingenuity this weekend. The end result is a better (my opinion) look for most of my U2 pages. At least all the black pages. I'll explain. I had been to a number of sites that had the scroll bar on the right a different color than my browser. Instead of the usual gray or whatever, it was black, or blue, or yellow. I was curious how to do it and so I searched through Front Page for a menu item, but I came up empty. So, then I searched on the internet for a reference to modifying the scroll bar, after a 30 minute search, I finally found instructions on how to do it. I've (up until this time) built my entire site using Front Page. I have not written a line of HTML for this site. I've sometimes pared out some bogus HTML, but never added a scrap of my own. For me, it was a big step into understanding how Cascading Style Sheets factor into writing HTML. HTML is easy enough to understand, but I haven't really written too much in it. Before I got Front Page, I took a tutorial which allowed me to put up text, modify colors and fonts, you know, the generic stuff, but Front Page did it much faster, so I've been pretty content with it. So, I was pleased as punch that I was able to do more with this. So, I spent a number of hours this weekend on modifying the HTML on all the pages that had a black background. I came up with a color scheme that I thought fit the personality of the main tour. It includes, black, silver and my gold yellow color that I came up with for displaying important links and tables. In the process, I viewed every single page in the U2 section and was sort of embarrassed with how some of the pages look. Some of the pages haven't been updated in forever and the layout stinks. It's not very attractive, or functional, bunched to one side, or just not laid out at all. If I can catch the spark again soon, I'll be going through and improving those pages to offer a better tour of facts, and tracks and pictures and stories. I also modified a few pages along the way, correcting mistakes, standardizing certain terms, and in one notable case, I rescanned and edited one of the Gif Animations. I'm using a better photo editor now, and the Gif for the Pride picture disc looks 100% better. Only one caveat though, it takes longer to load. For those who surf at work, it shouldn't be an issue. For those on dialup, I apologize. At least the diary loads pretty fast... Oh yeah, one downside to the colored scrollbars. If you don't have I.E. 5.5 you won't see it. It's a newly supported feature for 5.5. If you have an older browser don't fear, it will simply ignore the code and display it as it always has. If you have 5.5 check it out, and if your working on your own web site, you can check out the HTML and see what I did. Basically, I created a class called "scrollbarblack" which has 8 (I think) scroll-bar attributes that you can define. I defined the colors I wanted and called the class in the "Body" of the page. There are other ways to get it to work, I know, I checked someone else's code and it looked much different than mine. Mine works, so, I'm not sweating it. 

    This was also a big weekend for family. My sister is moving into a new home and so her 3 boys have been here all weekend while their parents are preparing the new house. On Friday night, I had the privilege of babysitting 7 children and 2 dogs for about 6 hours. This would have a breeze if we had enough couch space. We were all trying to watch "The Great Muppet Caper" and aside from the elbowing and constant rearranging of the children, it was a success. On Saturday, I went to my first swim meet. I got to watch my nieces and nephew compete and it was certainly a different world than little league. The parents are really supportive of all the kids. There wasn't the blood lust that accompanies little league. Most of the kids are concerned with improving their time, not necessarily winning. My 9 year old niece has great technique, but she's not much of a competitor, my nephew is a competitor, but lacks a bit of technique out there. A marriage of their skills would perfect. The important thing is that they are enjoying it. It baffles me, as all physical activity that involves going from one place to another is not fun, it's just exhausting. I don't like running for that exact reason. It just gives me more time to think about all the things I should be doing instead of running. I don't feel that way during, softball, volleyball or wrestling. It's a different sort of concentration in those sports. Speaking of sports, I'll be helping out at Wrestling Camp this week. A number of kids from my brother's school will be at George Mason University. I work nearby and will come by after work to help out. It will be great to see them again. It will also be tough, because my brother will not be coaching them next year, and there is a large senior class. A part of me wants to take over and be their coach, but it's a huge commitment and I'm not sure that I would be doing them any favors by being their head coach. I just don't know enough about teaching wrestling. It's a big difference between knowing how to wrestle and teaching others sound fundamentals and moves. I tend to get away with being sloppy on the mat, because I'm a good athlete and extremely flexible. I also have better than average balance, so I have some tools that they won't possess. Because of that, I probably won't get to the diary again this week. Which explains why I'm up, typing away. 

    Oh yeah, if I don't talk to you soon, I have my 10 year high school reunion on Saturday night, it should be interesting, and since I haven't thought about it in a couple of weeks, I'm relatively calm, if I stay busy enough, I should not give myself any undue stress. It's amazing how far I can regress into the relationships and how they were then. If someone was dominant in the past, I have a tendency to fall right back in line. It's not pretty, but I'm sort of expecting it. If I'm lucky, one or more  of the people at the reunion and I will hit it off and I'll have some folks to pal around with. If not, I'll look elsewhere. 

    I must say goodnight. My sleep window is closing.