March 1, 2001

    Beware the ides of March. Caesar didn't listen, and look at what happened to him. I don't really have much to say in this edition, I'm inside my head again. I'm trying to figure out whether I'm on the road to my future or simply at a way station. Given that, I'll just do the quick recap of the life thing.

    Wrestling is over, the state tournament was this past weekend and I drove down to Chesapeake, Virginia to witness the finest high school wrestlers in the state. We brought one wrestler down and he lost both his matches. He's a freshman and he was a little too content that he had made the state tournament and didn't wrestle with the same fire that he ordinarily has. Hopefully he'll be able to continue to make it there and will have more of an impact in the coming years. 

    I've added another U2 single to the tour. Walk On has been added. This single was only released in Canada, they released Stuck In A Moment That You Can't Get Out Of in Europe and the Pacific. Apparently they will release Walk On in those areas next. 

    Survivor is on in 45 minutes. This week we get to see who got injured, I read a report that it was Rodger. The question is whether or not they will have a vote if they lose one of the Survivors before a tribal counsel occurs. It makes sense to me to not have a vote if someone can't survive any way. Oh yeah, I watched the last episode of The Mole and Temptation Island. Temptation Island was just silly, pathetic, mushy crap. And I'm a romantic. People stupid enough to go to an island to test themselves deserve whatever pain they go through. They were so dramatic about it and apparently they only spent 2 weeks on the island. Two weeks is long enough to experience lust, but not love or some special connection. I'm sorry, it just doesn't happen like that. Not unless you have a fickle heart or lack of depth. The mole was better. Kathryn was amazing as the mole. She's not an actress (she's a lawyer) and was totally believable. Perhaps law school was good training for putting your rat face forward. 

    Today is my friend's birthday. I need to shout out a hello and how are you. I'll be sending an e-mail soon. Speaking of which. MSN is giving me fits again. It logs me in and then sits there, I can't even download my e-mail most afternoons. Since I'm looking to get DSL anyway, I should go ahead and start looking at pricing and availability. I would prefer to have it when I get a new computer and I hear that the waiting list is kind of long, so perhaps I'll get the ball rolling. It would be a nicety, not a necessity. I'll do my homework first.

    Well, that's about it. Work is work, I'm now at the post office. I'll keep my comments to myself, primarily because I haven't been here long enough to paint anyone or any organization into a neat little one to two sentence assessment. I'll give you a hint. I dislike not knowing the system. I realize that it takes time to know you're environment and to become the master of it, but it doesn't mean that I have to like not knowing what to do. Nuff said. Goodnight and watch out for a robed guy who goes by the name Brutus.  

March 12, 2001

            When I get a new car, it has to have a cup holder. I was going around a turn today with my new coffee mug perched in it's usual location between my legs. I've been doing this for years and yet this morning, my coffee tilted into the turn and all over my left leg. I gritted my teeth and up-righted the mug without swerving or putting myself in more danger. It was a wonderful start to a Monday morning. Fortunately, I was wearing dark pants, and so I turned the heat on full, rolled down the window and sat in a dark cloud all the way through traffic. I don't know if this helped me get focused this morning, but I worked more consistently today than I have since I've been there. I thought that I was good at giving myself work, but I've discovered that I a little push is nice. Basically, I was thankful when someone gave me something interesting to do last week, and I'm now I'm learning quite a bit about programming on this operating system. My co-workers are knowledgeable, and I will benefit by working with them. Hopefully, I'll be able to contribute some back when I become acclimated. Still, I haven't left work fully satisfied with my performance. Perhaps, it's just more of the new job blues, or maybe I won't be content until I'm top dog of my own world. I can't tell you what motivates me at this time, because I don't know. I, like millions of others have not discovered the keys to my happiness. To a certain degree, it's the simple things that still give me pleasure. I still like my adopted theory that happiness is the difference between your expectations and your results. Therefore, surprises usually give me much joy. When we come to expect things from people or situations, we find that we can be disappointed if we expect too much. I'm looking to strike a balance between the extremes of happiness and sadness. A little joy, a little pain, a little sunshine, a little rain. Whoops, I think that's a lyric to something. Oh well.

    I need to segue over into why I haven't written. I meant to write this weekend, but because of one of life's surprises I didn't make the time, although I wanted to. I wasn't able to do many of the things that I planned to do this weekend because of that surprise. Meanwhile, I wasn't too worried about writing, because I wasn't sure anyone was still reading it, but then surprise, someone wrote to tell me that they missed seeing my installment this week. So, all in all it's been a week of surprises. Have I whetted your appetite for what the first surprise is? It's not really life changing or anything, but it was totally unexpected. This past Tuesday we had our Winter Sports banquet. The winter sports banquet is where we hand out the awards and the letters to the Varsity guys. My brother and I created awards for every wrestler. One of the awards that I brother thought of was the "Lady Killer Award", which was given to one of our wrestlers who had to wrestle a girl this season. I thought up a few of my own as well. It is also customary that the wrestlers, or parents get something for the coach. The last time I coached, I received a baseball cap that said Coach on it. This year, the seniors pitched in and bought my brother "Sega Dreamcast" and bought me the "Sony Playstation." I was completely floored by the generosity of these guys. We had a great time this year, but I didn't deserve it. A number of the parents also thanked me, and one parent in particular told me how much impact that I had on his son. I was very pleased and taken aback by the good will and good feelings. Many people asked if I would be back next year. I'm currently working on getting up earlier so that maybe next year I'll be able to work from 6 AM to 2 PM so that I can make it to practice. I'll have to clear some of the work hours with my bosses, but I'm hopeful that they'll understand.

    The wrestlers also bought me a skateboarding game which is really addictive. Naturally, I had to share the joy with my nieces and nephews. You know, showing them how to play, playing two-player games with them. It's hard work being the uncle. Long story short, I have no good reason for not updating my site, just busy with new toys. Speaking of new toys. I ordered a DSL line from Verizon. The price will be $39.99 a month and It will be active on March 26. They sent me the installation kit, but I can't install it until the service is active. I can't wait! As soon as I get that high-speed access I'm going right to Napster and I'm going to download Metallica and Dr. Dre. Doh, I forgot Napster's going down. Oh well, I'll find a place to download my favorites. Mostly, I'm looking for stuff that's not commercially available anyway, so I'm not worried about Napster's demise. I like owning my own stuff. Besides, the internet is just a fad. l remember the first time that I heard about AOL and Compuserve etc. I think it was back in High School, speaking of which... I received a piece of mail from a company that organizes class reunions. I need to mail back the sheet so that they will tell me more about my 10 year reunion. Apparently it will be on June 30, 2001. I wonder if I should get a beautiful date for the occasion, after all reunions are all about beating the kids that picked on you in High School. Actually, it's really difficult to try to figure out how to behave in a situation like that. There is an urge to act all adult like, which to me, is the first sign that I'm not one. It's funny how much younger I get when I'm with my parents in a social situation. It's like I revert back 10 years to Quasi-adulthood. Reunions are strange things. A part of me just wants to not bother with it, because I've truly left it all behind, but everyone regrets not going to the Prom, or going to their reunion, or whatever else. There is no doubt that I'm going, I wonder if any of the old friends will be there, and if I'll be first on someone's list. I know who would be first on mine, but I doubt she'll be there, and if she is, she's either married or really fat. I would be surprised if someone didn't pick her up. She was very smart, and had the prettiest face, and was fairly buxom. The greatest part about her was that she didn't know she was all that. She didn't have that kind of ego. In high school, I thought that she was too good for me and therefore didn't really ask her out. I didn't think that I deserved her and was very timid in the dating department, particularly with those who knocked my socks off. Consequently, she's on the top of my to see list. I can think of a few other friend-girls that I would like to see again too. Hmmm, high school brings back a whole lot of unfulfilling feelings. I'm pretty sure that I'm not alone in those feelings. I was no outcast, mostly just part of the crowd. I'm going to stay away from the high school thoughts right now. It's unhealthy and I conveniently put them in the cellar for a reason. The strange thing is that I wasn't really rejected or anything like that, but nonetheless I remember it to be tough in some ways. I'm chalking it all up to adolescence. 

    That's enough for this evening. Time to make sure that the bills are paid and the cat is fed. Honey is doing fine by the way. She just needs love, lots of it, let me tell you. This week's rewind CD is from R.E.M's Automatic for the People which came out in 1991. Hurray for the class of 91!

March 22, 2001

    I don't if it's the time of year, or if it's me, but I haven't felt like writing much. I noticed that one of my friends (Buck Star) hasn't updated his journal since mid February. I don't know what his story is, but it's sort of coincidental that I'm suffering from a bit of writer's block, or just lack of creative energy. I suppose that I've had the luxury of being perpetually stimulated by the people and events around me, and for right now, I'm kind of bored. I'm cycling quickly through each day. Wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch some TV or play a video game, go to bed. That's my last two weeks in a nutshell. Work is better but I can't really say that I enjoy it, yet. As far as jobs go, it's not bad. I've just been spoiled over the past few years. Starting a new job will always be tough, so I'm sure that it could be a lot worse. Actually, I'm getting along very well with my co-workers, I'm just not as into it , yet. In any case, work is better primarily because I'm working on stuff. On April 9th I'll be in Binghamton, NY. Unfortunately I can't drive up to Albany, but if anyone wants to visit, please toss me a line and let me know. I'll be there for 3 days.

    I was going to update my diary when I got my shipment of rare and exotic U2 CD's. Yep, I've ordered more useless but entertaining collectables. I'll share them with you when they arrive. Buying new U2 stuff, seems to be the easiest catalyst for new content. I have some ideas for expanding the U2 pages I have, but getting the energy to actually do it is much harder. If it were a job, I'd do it, but it isn't a job, it's entertainment for me. Fortunately, a few of my friends tune in here, to find out what is going on, some do it because I entertain them with my stories and thoughts, which, by the way is very flattering and is an incentive for me to write more often. It also enables me to capture a moment in time, which would be lost forever otherwise. I've actually been thinking about what to write for the past week or so. A strange thought will enter my mind, and I'll think to myself "I should write about that!" But, then I get wrapped up with my schedule and I forget about all the interesting thoughts I had while driving home. If I remember any of them, I'll let you know, if I remember to let you know, that is.

    My Grandfather who is suffering from Alzheimer's was rushed to the hospital recently with a 103 temperature. My Mom's side of the family had to cope with the possibility of his funeral, because there was no telling whether it was life-threatening or not. They handled it like adults do; despite any such feelings of sorrow and worry, you do something about it and make any arrangements that are needed. As hard as it is to make arrangements, it's better than doing nothing. For me, I have a strange way of dealing with death. I ostensibly ignore it. As long as the person has lived a full life, I'm alright with it, and haven't been too sad about it. Then again I have been fortunate that all of my grandparents are still alive and no one that has meant something to me has passed on. In any case, I had to reflect a bit on my grandfather. I saw him two springs ago, when my brother's family and I went down to Florida, we stopped and saw him in North Carolina. He didn't remember me, and had only flashes of his old self. I've always been disappointed that I only had one chance to have a meaningful conversation with him. I was about 12 - 13 at the time, and though I have seen him a few times since then, the conversation we had when I was 12 or so, was the best. I don't really remember what it entailed, but it was the first time that he talked to me as an adult. Prior to that visit, he would scare the piss out of us, by rolling off questions. I remember when he quickly asked me what the capital of Florida was. 

    I was stumped! 

    I was 6! 

    I had no idea! 

    Is it Orlando? 

    He asked my parents what they were teaching us. To this day I will never forget that Tallahassee is the capital of Florida. Nope, I'll never forget that bit of trivia. He was and still is a clever man, his eyes would smile, even as he was pulling your leg, it was often difficult to tell whether or not he was serious or not when he was giving you a hard time. 

    I probably won't see him again, unless it's on my way down to Florida. It's such an odd thing visiting him. I can see myself straightening up and primping myself so that he'll be proud of his grandson, yet, he doesn't remember me, and he's not the same man that I new before, so it's kind of an odd ritual to put yourself through. He demanded excellence and all of his children have responded to that. I just wonder if any of them had the opportunity to hear the words that every child of every age, needs to hear. "Son/Daughter, I'm proud of you".  I've heard it from my father and it makes a big difference.

    My brother went to NYC last week for a Journalism field trip. Before he left I gave him $20 to get me a pair of Foakley's (Fake Oakley Sunglasses) and a watch. He went to China Town and picked out those sunglasses and a pair of watches. So for a combined total of $17 I had a new watch and a new pair of sunglasses. The watch is a Fossil and after one week it's still working, so I suppose I've already gotten my money's worth. He also bought "The Mexican" which is still in the theatres. How did he get this exclusive video? Well, for those of you who haven't heard of this, people walk into a major motion picture with a video camera and then they videotape and sell it for $5 a pop. The quality is fairly poor as it's difficult to adequately capture the colors and the sounds. It reminded of old B-movies I used to watch at 2 am on a Saturday Night. It was pretty poor quality. At least we know that we won't buy another bootlegged video anytime soon.

    I have to explain a little something about my brother. He likes deals, he likes bargains, he likes coming out ahead in any financial situation. He will barter and play the game with the vendor. I, on the other hand always pay full price instead of wasting time. I've wasted so much money in my short life time. I have a great example of this difference between he and I. When I was 8 we went to the Bahamas. We went down to the market one day and I saw this Monkey carved from a couple of coconuts. I liked Monkey's at that time and the price was like $5. I spent my entire allotment for the market on one Monkey shaped coconut. My brother on the other hand, was able to haggle with all of the vendors and was able to bring prices down to 10% of what the original price was. He was 11 or 12 at the time so some things don't ever change. BTW, I still have that silly monkey. I keep it primarily because I got it in the Bahamas. If I had gotten it at a chain store, it would be gone by now. 

    Well, that's my week in a nutshell. Everything is fine, though I'm antsy because I still have some things to do with my life this year, but they will be big things which can be daunting. (i.e. buying a house and/or car)         

March 29, 2001

    I've got that always "On" feeling right about now. I've got that feeling because I got a DSL line this week. Yippee, I can finally talk on the phone and be on-line at the same time. As soon as I hooked the thing up, the phone rang, it was a phone solicitor, but I was so excited by being able to be on-line and on the phone that I chatted them up for a few minutes... you know, talked to them about how the job is treating them, asked them about the wife and kids, asked if they had made any sales today. The standard chit chat. That isn't true, I quickly dispensed of them before hearing the phone ring again. This time it was my Mom, dear 'ole Mom can always call at the most exciting moments in my life, helping me to fully appreciate it. Unfortunately, nearly all of my telephone conversations will be long distance because I still don't really know anyone here yet. All in due time, all in due time. The biggest advantage to this whole DSL thing is the speed of course. It's a real pleasure to spend very little time loading pages, and my e-mail is downloaded in seconds instead of minutes. Needless to say, I'm pleased by this. 

    I bought Dave Matthews new one this week. It goes down very easily and there are a few gems, but it remains to be seen if they will last in my conscience. There are songs that have great moments, but then go off in directions that I don't like as much. I also got my U2 shipment. I've put up a few pictures but I haven't finished my updates. I hope to finish the scans this weekend. Truth be told, I'm starting to yawn and I need to go to bed soon. This is going to be a much shorter post than I was planning. Perhaps I can cram more in by typing faster.

    U2 played their first two shows of the tour and it sounds exciting. I'm starting to feel a little giddy about the tour. I also received all my tickets. 6 for Albany and 2 for Washington D.C. I'd like to go to more shows, but it's going to be expensive to pick up more tickets. I could check e-bay for the second D.C show, but I'm not in the mood to commit more money... yet. The stage setup for this concert is a huge heart in the middle of the floor. 300 fans are in the center of the heart and most people can see the band via the huge screens they have up. I'm really looking forward to it. 

    I must get some sleep, I'm finally getting adjusted to my schedule and I can't afford to stay up past midnight anymore. My sister-in-law reminded me that daylight savings is just around the corner. Damn! What are you gonna do?

    I wish I could write more, but you'll have to wait a few days. I was thinking of putting a huge April fools joke up in the next few days, which would primarily revolve around me winning the lottery, but it was much more fun to think about than to actually write about. I'll probably right something this weekend so that I can start the April diary. Goodnight all. I miss you and think of you often.  

March 30, 2001

    Surprise! Surprise! Two night in a row, this is unlike me. I just finished talking to a friend of mine in Albany via MSN Messenger Service. I speak to her much more frequently because of this service and I'm glad that she's on my buddy list. I wish more of you were on it. I was also on AOL's IM, but seldom bumped into anyone. So if you a hotmail account and you've downloaded the software for MSN's Messenger Service, send me your username and I'll put you among the hallowed halls of my address book. Just so you know, it's an elite list of 3 at the moment. My parents and my friend is all but I expect the responses to flood in any day now... I'm waiting.

    I forgot to write about the latest updates in the Survivor saga! They finally voted Jerri off. Yahoo! I've never been fond of princesses, and she has is very much the princess, particularly when princess doesn't get what she wants. Even though I was rooting for them to vote her off, I'm now thinking that it might have been a bad move. Every move that they make from here on out could potentially backfire. My choice for most deserving Survivor is Colby. The fact is that every member that is left can make a million dollars in endorsements and appearances, so it really doesn't matter who wins it. Except that they may be elevated up a notch in the publicity circus. I'm still glued to the show regardless of what happens. I must say that I think I love Elisabeth. She has an incredible  smile and just seems to have a lot of good qualities. It is very rare that I'm enamored of celebrities. I usually dismiss them as unattainable and completely unlike me. I still believe that she is unattainable, but she seems to have some really good qualities inside. Oh yeah, and she's really cute :-)

    I'm currently listening to some bootlegs of the new tour that U2 are on. I'm listening to Walk On from Miami which was performed 4 nights ago. It's awesome! Bono starts singing these Hallelujahs at the end of the song. Once again it's like being church which in this case is pretty cool. I wish I could find a church that was this hip most of the time. Very spiritual, very elevating. Well, I must be going now. I have other things to take care of as I download songs swiftly off of the internet.