I forget that the way I perceive the world is different than others.

March 2, 2002

    Another lazy Saturday, thankfully. Earlier this week I decided that it was time to actually expand my cooking repertoire. So on Thursday, while at the grocery store, I picked up some bacon, eggs and some biscuits and promised myself that I would actually cook them. In my adult life, sad to say, I've never made eggs, or bacon, and I'm not in the habit of buying biscuits. Promises to myself are not always the most binding ones, but on this occasion, I actually went through with it. I know, to the rest of you it must sound ridiculous, if not pathetic that I don't do more cooking. But, I'm actually a little proud of myself for doing it. I'm actually surprised that everything tasted correctly too. Too often, I have been disappointed by my results, which has made additional forays into cooking less palatable. It also bolstered my mood, as I feel as though I've actually accomplished something. This goes to show how uneventful my life is most of the time.

   This has been a week of birthday's. My sister and my nephew had their birthday's early in the week. I had a wonderful conversation with my sister on her birthday. It was, perhaps,  the best conversation I've ever had with her. She was in good spirits, and when I hung up the phone I was actually a bit energized. A couple of birthday's were observed yesterday as well. A good friend of mine and a good friend of mine's daughter celebrated birthday's with a 3 in them. That's as specific as I'm going to get on that one.

   The friend with the birthday, seems to only write to me after I've updated the diary. I send her an e-mail directly with an infinite amount of personal touches, and yet the public forum seems to make her stand up and write. I find it odd, but then again I've always enjoyed the personal touch, more than the widely cast net that I employ when writing this diary. Too often, I forget that the way I perceive the world is different than others. And sometimes I'm really really wrong.

   Tap, tap, tap. (rolling fingers over the keyboard) trying to determine what else has been going on since last I wrote. Hmm, I'm going to have to file an amended tax return. I completely forgot about the wrestling coach job and money for 2001. This kind of stinks, but it must be done. I can't believe I forgot about it.

   The children (Fritz and Honey) are doing fine. Fritz follows me all around the house and just about has a nervous breakdown if I leave the house without him, and Honey smacks him around every time she feels like he's doing too much monopolizing of my time. Then at other times, I'll have them both on my lap at the same time. It's a little unsettling, because I don't want to be the battleground, if she starts swatting at him, which she is known to do. He loves her food, and I've tried to keep him away from it. Mostly, I just have to keep it on the counter when he is out.

   I'm really stretching here for content.  So, I apologize for my meandering. Life just hasn't been extraordinary. It hasn't been bad either, I'm just trying to determine what I'm looking forward to. Sad, isn't it. Shouldn't I be looking forward to today? Nice try. Easier said than done. First, I need to determine what needs to be done today. And just because it needs to be done, doesn't necessarily mean that I'm looking forward to it. Alright, that's enough for this afternoon. I'm on the verge of opening a can of worms of epic proportions leading me to confront my own laziness. I can't be having that on a lazy Saturday, now can I? *Yawn* More coffee needed.

Six month Anniversary

March 11, 2002

    It's exactly six months after 9/11. I've watched a bit of the interviews and coverage, and it still affects me. I didn't think I wanted to revisit any of it yet.  If CBS had put out a retrospective, I wouldn't have watched it, but because it was a tribute, it came off much better. The first day in Norman, OK was like I expected; long, with unpredictable problems. I tried to prepare for all eventualities, but it's nearly impossible, though, there is room for improvement. There are still some outstanding issues, which we've found a work around for, but it still nags me that I don't know everything. Until the situation is solved, I won't know if it's my own ignorance or something that is out of my normal course of business. Then again, results matter more than anything else, so even if it isn't my fault, it's still my responsibility. Today should have been more relaxed, but I don't like to leave things undone. Strange segue. I'm looking to change my font on this page, and I'm really liking Tahoma. I don't know if you have it, but I like it better than Arial.

   For the first time in quite a while, I have TV to watch. Stranger yet, I have a lap top, so I'm able to sit on my bed and absorb the world through the screen and comment on it. At home, my television and my computer are separated, and, I don't have cable. Segue again. The upside to this trip is that I'm working more days, which means more pay, which always helps, particularly as I'm establishing my budget. Adding a car didn't help in trying to figure out how much mad money I have, but it will be clearer soon. Another upside to this trip, is that I will be able to see some sites while I'm here. I'm looking forward to seeing the Oklahoma City memorial tomorrow. I also need to get my haircut, and I told myself that I'm going to buy some new clothes. I'm due for some new clothes and a haircut, and I have time to kill. My boss suggested that I go see Dallas. Apparently it's only about 3 hours away. Maybe I'll go on Wednesday.

   I'm watching Jay Leno at the moment. He just told a joke about Chinese Scientists having cloned a human embryo. I hope the irony didn't escape him, that there is a ban on the number of children that a couple can have, thus there are a lot of abortions and children given up for adoption. So, why in the world would they want to produce clone babies. My guess, is that they are probably boys. Apparently, boys are more prized. Fools. :-)

   Hmm, the news coverage lately is quite depressing. Even as they try to shine a light on the heroes and the success stories, they still have to report on all the people who are being killed in Israel. It makes one wonder if we'll ever get anywhere. I'm reluctant to paint the Arab nations as irredeemable, but I'm having less faith these days that they will be able to live peacefully. There are have been a number of people who have defended the Koran and that it's peace and love, but the fruit can often tell you what tree it comes from.

   What a treat, the Sting is on, or the Sting too, I'm not sure which. I haven't seen the whole thing. There are a lot of films from the late 70's and early 80's that I've missed. I still haven't seen all the Godfather films, in actuality I haven't seen any of the Godfather films, but I have seen the Sopranos. They are starting to release some of the older films on DVD. I rented a movie called "Dog Day Afternoon", which was made in 1976 and it stars Al Pacino. It's based on a true story that occurred in 1972 in NYC. It was entertaining and I like Pacino.

   My eyes are getting weary, so I'll stop writing for now. I should be happy, it's not often that I have nothing better to do than to write in my diary. I just wish I had something of interest to say. It doesn't stop me from running my mouth daily though. Night.

First stop on the memorial tour

March 12, 2002

    Arrgh, what a frustrating afternoon. I feel as though I am in network hell. Today my laptop doesn't connect either. This is a singular problem, as one of co-workers was able to do it. I don't know what changed between yesterday and today, and I'm low on patience, given how the week has been going so far. I'm looking forward to going home.

   Despite my attitude, I'm trying to make the most of it. I went to Oklahoma City this morning and visited the Memorial. I only spent about 45 minutes there. After all, it's a memorial, not a theme park. It was definitely sobering to see it. I took some pictures, we'll see how they come out. The most disturbing part of the memorial was the fenced off area that used to contain the children's playground. It was completely devoid of any adornment, other than a plaque, but that was more than enough to make the point. On the site of the building there are 168 chairs, which are illuminated at night, one for each of the people who died. Several chairs contain two names. A couple of women were in the late stages of their pregnancies and had already determined the sex and the names of their babies. In front of the chairs, there is a tidal pool, which is less than an inch in depth. At each end of the tidal pool is a wall. Engraved on one wall is 9:01, on the other, 9:03. Apparently, the bomb went off at 9:02. The first wall represents the end of innocence. The second wall represents the beginning of healing. I'm paraphrasing the words of the guide in my description of the walls.

   A number of thoughts went through my head as I drove toward the memorial, and it continued on as I walked the grounds. I began to wonder if Timothy McVeigh had driven a similar path, did he walk up the same stairs? I also wondered if he would have done this had he had an event like 9/11 to reflect upon. The again, who could explain what he was thinking when he committed the crime in the first place.

   I can only imagine, how I will feel when I see Ground Zero for the first time. This grave was already 6 years old, and somewhat removed from my conscience. I do remember where I was when I first heard about it. I say heard about it, because I was probably sleeping when the bombing occurred in Oklahoma City. I was working Midnight shifts in the Air Force, so I would often go to bed immediately after arriving home. What was most surprising about that day, was that I think I was at work the following night when I discovered the news. Somehow, I managed to go through the day without hearing about it.

   After seeing the memorial, I got a haircut. I had put it off, knowing that I would have time on my hands here in Norman, OK. I also went shopping, though I really wasn't in the mood to buy clothes. I plan to go to Dallas tomorrow. It's not like anything that I've touched here has worked out like I planned, so I might as well get out of the room.

   Prime Time television starts an hour earlier out here in the mid-west. I must be boring you right now. I'm gravitating toward vapid situation comedies right now. I was even able to see Undeclared for the first time in months. At times, I miss TV. At the same time, I appreciate the $200 I've saved from not having TV. Two more months, and I'll be able to buy an X-Box! Heh, heh. I've played a few games on it at the local Toys R Us and it's fun. A friend of mine enjoys SSX Tricky. I'm hoping we'll get a chance to play someday. Most girls I know aren't interested in playing video games, so it would be a unique treat.

Travels with Dallas.

March 13, 2002

    I continued my tour of morbid historical sites today. Although, when the day began, I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to see in Dallas. Let me say that I didn't actually confirm that I drove on the same street that JFK was assassinated on, but I did walk around Dallas and noticed a number of the old style government buildings. I'll have to check on-line for the address and the streets that it occurred.

    I drove to Dallas without a clue as to what I wanted to see. Aside from the Cowboys and Oil, I didn't know much about it. I still don't really know much about Dallas, but I have an idea what it looks like. As I drove off, I was still wondering if this was a good idea. It's a 3 hour drive, and I wasn't sure I was up to it, but then I realized that this should be an adventure!

    Driving through Oklahoma can make you forget. The scenery repeats itself in long stretches, and you need to remind yourself that the road turns from time to time. As I closed in on the Texas border, the scenery became a little more interesting and I even stopped at a scenic view, which proved that there really isn't very much in Oklahoma. :-) On a side note, Oklahoma is often ridiculed, but I haven't noticed anything particularly backwards about it, mostly it's just there. It doesn't seem to have any distinguishing characteristics, but I haven't seen the whole state, and I'm not planning to. And, I should say that it's only March and the landscape is dried out and lifeless.

    As soon as I crossed the border, I found myself stopping at an outlet mall. The prices at the Gap were pretty good, I ended up getting a couple pairs of shorts, and a couple pairs of kakis. I also went to the Levi's store and found a pair of jeans and some socks. The prices weren't as good, but they are Levi's.

    With a smile on my face, I drove the remaining hour or so into Dallas. After driving around for a while, I stopped at the Dallas Museum of Art. I'm not all that knowledgeable about art, but I know what I like. Some of the things that pass for art make me laugh. I agree that self expression is important, I just don't necessarily understand why some of the objects are in the museum. I'm not really referring to the paintings, I'm referring to the objects that are basically normal items that have been manipulated in some way, that to these amateurish eyes, are neither striking, nor compelling. I'm more drawn to the older paintings of biblical, mythical and historical scenes. They are quite beautiful and the talent is quite evident. I also enjoyed the paintings and drawings done by the students. In most cases the paintings had a lot more emotion than the classic works that were displayed throughout. I wonder if that will pass away as their emotional lives become more normalized, and less dramatic.

    After my trip through the museum, I found a parking lot to spend money at. It was actually my second choice. My first choice, was a bit shady. The reason I parked, was so that I could find a place to have dinner. Since I parked in the business center of the city, I missed out on the cultural center, which I didn't find. I tried to make the most of my poor location and decided to eat a small Italian restaurant named Victoria's. After I entered the restaurant, I asked if I could use their restroom. The guy behind the counter, who was obviously a first generation Italian, gave me his keys, and showed me how to go upstairs to the employee bathroom. As I walked up the stairs, I felt as though I were in a crack house, with trash strewn about, and each wall was in various states of disrepair. I found the bathroom, which was in horrible condition, and I had second thoughts about returning to the restaurant, keys or no keys. I had a flashback of an episode of Seinfeld where Jerry is eating dinner at his girlfriend's father's restaurant, and he discovers that his girlfriend's father doesn't wash his hands after using the restroom. I also thought about something that my friend always told me. She used to say "It's either a good time, or a good story." That stayed in my head the entire time I was there. The guy who was preparing my fettuccini alfredo, was really nice, and very trusting. But as I watched him prepare it, I saw him dip his hand into a bowl of oregano, and put a finishing touch on my meal. The whole time, I'm thinking Jerry. Jerry. I consoled myself with the thought that generations of Italians in centuries past were able to avoid killing themselves with bad hygiene. The meal tasted fine, and with that my adventures in Dallas were pretty much complete. Only two more days before I return.

Searching for a sympathetic ear

March 14, 2002

    I was looking forward to watching Survivor tonight, but March Madness is upon us, and CBS has to broadcast it. Oh well. Friends was a rerun too, so I'm watching Law & Order on TNT. It's been another lazy day, I can't really work today, because there are no chairs available in the classroom, and no place for me to make a connection back to my files at work. So, I went and saw a movie. I saw a Beautiful Mind, which was very good. It was also a benchmark in my life, it was only the second time that I've gone to a movie alone. I thought it was my first, but I just remembered that I saw Batman alone in Missouri when I was 14 and I was at the Cadet Nationals for Wrestling. I've lived within walking distance of movie theatres but haven't gone. I guess it's easier to do it when you're out of town. No chance that any of my friends will see me :-)

   I've also been doing a lot of thinking as to why I'm having network problems here. I haven't actually solved anything yet, but I keep cycling through different solutions, and tomorrow I might be able to find out what the problem really is. There is one other system here that is set up for training, and we haven't been able to connect with it recently, and I did verify that the system was up. What I didn't verify, was whether or not it was connected to the network. It is possible that the problem I encountered is tied into something that I can't control, or couldn't foresee. The problem is that I'm not a network expert, so I can't really say that I know, even when I've exhausted my solutions. I'm also cautious about finding a scapegoat to cover up for my inadequacies, but I am getting tired of kicking myself, so I'm open for other solutions. Particularly ones that point to something other than me :-) I know it sounds like I'm complaining, and I am, because God knows I don't know anyone here who will listen to me right now, nor, do I deserve any pity. But, I'm not comfortable when I don't earn my keep, so I'm trying to figure out how to be comfortable. Usually, I can find a way to be useful. Sadly, I just want to get back to work so that I can contribute a bit more than I've been able to this week.

   Enough of that horse, I've beat it to a pulp. Let's see... It's 8:22 Central Time, which means I'll be heading out in approximately 36 hours. Excellent. All I have to do tomorrow is pack up the systems, which should only took a few hours, and then I just have to kill time and get to bed early. Well, that's all for tonight. I think I'm going to go downstairs and get a Sam Adams. After all, nothing is really on TV.

The Ides of March.

March 15, 2002

    This is my final day in Oklahoma. I leave in the morning at 7:05 which means I need to leave here at around 5:00 AM. The airport is about a half hour away, so I'll need to make sure I'm up early. I still have to pack, but that's usual. I almost never pack early. It'll take me less than 15 minutes to have everything bundled up and set up for tomorrow.

   Today was breezy. It took less than 2 hours to clean up the systems and have them packed for shipment back to Virginia. I'm so glad this week is over. It hasn't been hellish, but it has been an exercise in patience, which isn't really my strong suit. In many ways, I just found ways to distract myself. Not all of which are necessarily productive. Let me just say that I watched a lot of TV this week. Sadly, I haven't read anything at all. I will on the plane, but TV is a far easier distraction.

   After finishing the cleanup,  I went out to the theatre and watched another matinee. $4.50 is a pretty decent price to watch the movie in the theatre. It's only $0.30 more than Blockbuster. I bought some Twizzlers and a Coke before the movie, and after I paid, the guy said, enjoy the movie. I felt like saying "I'm not here for the movie, I just love the refreshments." Sarcasm usually hits me 3 seconds following a verbal exchange. I decided to see Gosford Park, which had received pretty decent reviews. I enjoyed it. The movie is set in 1932, at an old English estate. Based on the upstairs / downstairs look at society. Upstairs, is the rich who employ those who work for them downstairs. Except in this case, there is a murder. In Gosford Park, almost everyone is a suspect. It's like a grand game of Clue. The humor is decidedly dry, and the clues are fairly subtle. I'd actually like to see it again to pick up on some of the clues that I missed. The DVD should be good, if they walk you through it. I think my sister will like it too. She loves era pieces, and actually gets British humor.

   I think I'm done for the night. Day was slow, but it will soon be over. Talk at ya later.

Remember: Arrive at least 2 hours prior to your flight...

March 16, 2002

    It's either a good time, or a good story. It seems to be my Mantra on this trip. A number of small disappointments, overcome, by a shrug of the shoulders and a deep sigh. This has been my morning:

   I awoke at 4:30 AM, and managed to get moving by 5:15. It took about a half hour to get the airport, and I had no idea what I was in store for. Ever since 9/11 I have dutifully arrived 2 to 3 hours early for all my flights, only to get everything together quickly and then wait for 2 to 3 hours until take off. So, I didn't foresee this at all. Oh, no I didn't see it, but I'm kicking myself for letting my guard down.

   Because of my self-imposed schedule, I didn't stop for coffee, knowing that I was running a bit behind and not wanting to take any more chances. When I got to the airport, I missed the car return exit, (not entirely my fault, it was mostly blocked off), and then found it. I parked, grabbed my bags, went to the counter, forgot to write down my mileage, went back to the car, got the mileage, went back to the counter, forgot to leave keys in car, back out to the car, left the keys, went back to the terminal. That's when I found a line of at least 200 people waiting to have their bags checked for Delta. With a little over a half hour remaining before take off, I was really steamed. I was equally annoyed with myself and the airline. I went to the front, and asked if they were going to start calling people for that flight, since it was getting so late. A few minutes later they expressed us and I managed to get my bags checked, and through security with about 5 minutes to spare. Then I had to get in line again to get my boarding pass. (Why they don't issue them when you check your bags, I do not know.) It was then, that I discovered that the flight was full. So close, yet so far. The family in front of me, was plenty hot, and because of their persistence we all ended up with vouchers for $750. It looks like I'm flying somewhere in the next year! I still need to head down to Florida to see my grandmother. Now I just need to get enough vacation time to make it worthwhile.

   I have gotten my coffee, but I'm still anxious. The flight I'm trying to get on is, in one woman's word "Grossly Overbooked" So, I'll have to get in line at 10:00 AM for a 12:50 flight to St. Louis. From there, I'll be flying to Dulles. So, it's going to be an anxious day, and I won't be getting home until after 9:00 PM, which stinks. Then again, I have no one to blame other than myself, and I do have some free vouchers for my inconvenience. I can also gift the vouchers as well, so, loyal listeners, maybe it'll be you.

   That's as much as I have to say on this. If this gets published, you'll know that I've made it home. Finally.

   Another update. After sitting down for a few minutes, my panic reached a sufficient enough level for me to go to the American Airlines ticket desk to clear up any confusion. To my delight and relief they issued me a boarding pass for both the flight to St. Louis and my flight to Dulles. Now the waiting game continues. I'm over tired. I'm hungry, but I don't have an appetite. Can't explain the difference, but being over tired throws off everything. I also have a sore neck. It's not quite neck headache material, but if it does, I'll be completely useless. My first flight takes off in about 2 hours. I can't wait.

   I didn't realize that this was spring break, hence the delays, the full flights etc. Had I known, I may have woken up earlier. It all comes down to underestimating the traffic out of Oklahoma. Then again, if I lived in Oklahoma, I'd get out of here too. Technically, I'm on company time right now. But, since part of this delay is my fault, I'm not going to charge them for the whole day. We get paid portal to portal. From the looks of it, I could charge them for 17 hours. But I'll probably only charge them for 8. The 9 hour delay is mine, plus I have Vouchers!

   Man, I'm really hard up for conversation. In a way, this is my conversation to you. And who are you? I don't know who it is I'm directing this to. Sometimes, when I write, it is to someone in particular, and my voice reflects it. On this one, it's about speaking to be heard. Aw geez, I'm babbling. Time to log off and read a book or something.

   I made it to St. Louis! Now I have a 3 1/2 hour wait before my next flight takes off. *Sigh* I want to be home. I had a short nap on the last flight, which was (I think) a 767. Apparently, this was one of the same models that were flown into the World Trade Center. This particular type of plane normally doesn't fly into Oklahoma City, so several members of the ground crew oohed and aahed at it and took a tour of it. It was actually a little comical, because it was such a big deal. Small town. It's kind of like youthful exuberance. I would never want to splash water on naivety, since it can be so refreshing at times. Besides, just because I'm jaded, doesn't mean I've matured.

   Since it's spring break, I've been privy to a number of overheard conversations from teenager or twenty something girls. They are (I imagine) headed to spring break. A part of me is envious, because I never did that, but the window for being completely reckless and carefree was small. The Air Force kind of reminded you that breaking the law was no laughing matter. Still, it most reminds me of Beach Week following graduation. That was a blast, and it was in no way a repeatable situation. If I had tried to go the next year, it wouldn't have been the same, thus it would have been a disappointment. I'm going to have to get something to eat soon. I'd rather not pay so much for a little bit of food, but I'm not feeling tip top right now. Still very much over tired.

Take a little time to catch up.

March 19, 2002

    Well, all in one fell swoop you'll get 7 entries for the price of one. I had too much time on my hands in Oklahoma. I'm back, and still a bit tired, and out of schedule. I'm looking forward to the weekend. I'm currently downloading I.E. 6, because Microsoft has politely replaced the MSN home page with the Update page. It's their way of saying that they don't want to support I.E. 5 anymore. I just don't like to sit on-line downloading on a 56K connection. I've been spoiled by DSL. Although, if I had the opportunity, I probably wouldn't get it right now. My interest in the internet right now is a bit lukewarm. I'd rather have a new computer, and as you know, they cost bucks.

   I'm feeling a bit detached and sad today. After being isolated for a little over a week, I need friend time. But, at the same time, I want to do nothing. So, you see my self-imposed predicament. Thank God I have pets. Fritz is the cutest. Hopefully, I can get reenergized over the weekend.

   That's it for tonight. I'm starting to drift toward complaint, and that's not where I want to be tonight, or any other night. "But Tim, you do it so well!" Well, not tonight. I need to put in some upbeat music. Maybe that'll cure me.

Now Playing: But Not Tonight - Depeche Mode

Oh God, it's raining, but I'm not complaining... Here on my own, all on my own, how good it feels to be alone tonight.

 

The cat in the lap.

March 20, 2002

    I believe that tomorrow is the first day of Spring. We haven't had much of a winter, but the symbolism alone should lift the spirits somewhat. Although, I'm looking for outside sources to somehow heal me, I still have to take some responsibility and just do something. In a way the diary is part of that. It would be easy enough to just blow this off even more frequently than I do. I'd like to make a more concerted effort at improving the site. The tents aren't folded up. I just had to wait for the wind to stop blowing before tightening the ropes.

    I received very encouraging feedback from one of my good friends. She often reads the site, and jumps on my case when I don't post often enough. One of the things that she noticed was that I wasn't putting down song lyrics at the bottom of the posts. So, in her honor, I fixed last night's post, and put up one that I thought was apropos for the mood I was in, and the mood I wanted to be in. It was raining last night, as it was today, so that's my choice.

    I just got the Cat in the lap. Honey is much happier now that I've given her full run of the house. She can now find me downstairs and usually jumps in my lap, if it's available. Hmm, my lap is always available to her. Fritz doesn't jump up. I think he's afraid of heights. Fritz is also down here, happily chewing on a toy that the next door neighbors gave him. I think he can chew through anything, if you give him the time. Crazy.

    Well, I have to take care of some bills. Talk to you later.

Now Playing: Beautiful Girl - Inxs

She's so scared, so very frightened. Anything can happen, right here tonight. Beautiful Girl (stay with me)

 

Easy come, easy go.

March 21, 2002

    It's the first day of Spring and the weather is great! Unfortunately, my day has been less than. One event spoiled the whole thing, but it's over now, all I have to do is clean up. What I'm speaking of is a car accident. Yep, I got in an accident this morning on my way to work. The upside is everyone involved seems to be absolutely fine. The downside, is that it was my fault. Yep, yours truly became a statistic in the insurance industry. The accident occurred because I didn't look well enough. I was coming onto a major road, which has a very small acceleration lane. I had thought that the woman in front of me had already gone. So, I was quite surprised when I punched the gas only to stop suddenly in less than a second. I can scarcely believe it happened. Fortunately, the car still drives. Actually, from the inside,  I can't tell I was in an accident. There doesn't appear to be any damage to the frame, or the engine. So, all of the repairs will be cosmetic. The estimate came in at a little bit over $1000. My deductible is $500. Easy come, easy go. The overtime money I made last week has now been committed. No X-Box this month. *Sigh* The best word to describe today, is disappointing. Nothing more, nothing less. I have an appointment on April 1 to drop off my car. They will keep it for a few days, so I'll have to either rent a car, or borrow one. We'll see what happens. I just hope that it doesn't rain. I taped up the front to keep it from dragging on the ground, but that's just masking tape that I bought to use when I paint the bathroom. Which I still haven't done yet.

    I also need to get new glasses and contacts as well. I was hoping to use the money that I just made to take care of it pain free. I'm wearing contacts today because the bridge of my glasses has lost the padding and it's cutting into my nose. As a result, the contacts are getting pretty dried out, because I haven't worn them much recently. No girls to impress, I guess. After all girls don't make passes at guys with glasses. He he he, I can never figure out what I should do to woo women. Just clueless, I am. It's because Yoda, I talk like.

    Fortunately, I don't have a strong tie to my cars, even now. I'm disappointed, but I don't have any emotions of rage, or sadness, or even impatience. I'm just resigned to it having occurred. Hmm, there has been one drawback, which is that I've been driving REAL tentative since it happened this morning. I almost ran into someone on the way home, because of a sudden stop on the highway. The guy behind me was even closer to my bumper. That would have made me laugh. To get into two accidents in one day would have made my car into a sandwich. Ham. Although, some might say Bologna. I do feel somewhat bad about the woman that I ran into. Yeah, everything will be paid for, but I can't compensate for the inconvenience of having to get the repairs. She was professional about the whole thing, but not happy. She didn't take it out on me, she even offered some encouragement, when she related a story about her husband doing the exact same thing at the same intersection.

    I did go back to work, but I really wasn't all there. I ended up leaving an hour early. That's about all that I have for this evening. I just hope my insurance doesn't go up, or if it does, I hope it doesn't go up much. 

    As I searched for quotable songs to put on my now playing portion, I stumbled across one of my favorite "They Might Be Giants" tune. The song is called Ana Ng. As I read the lyrics (for the first time) a picture formed in my head about what this song was really about. I've added my comments in green below. It's definitely a romantic tune, when you get to the heart of it. The way he sings it also defines it well, although, I didn't get it until today. The song has a fast pace, so it's not really a ballad, per se. I particularly like the chorus for this one. Yeah, I'm still a romantic who doesn't always feel jaded and disillusioned. Then again, I don't believe my own press, so take it with a grain of salt. It's a nice idea, but prove it.

Now Playing: Ana Ng - They Might Be Giants

Make a hole with a gun perpendicular to the name of this town in this desk top globe.

Exit wound in a foreign nation showing the home of the one this was written for.

My apartment looks upside down from there, water spirals the wrong way out the sink.

And her voice is a backwards record. It's like a whirlpool, and it never ends.

(Ana exists on the exact opposite side of the world from the writer)

Ana Ng and I are getting old and we still haven't walked in the glow of each other's majestic presence.

Listen Ana, hear my words. They're the ones you would think I would say if there was a me for you.

(Corresponding with the perfect mate, that hasn't been revealed yet, nor encountered)

All alone at the '64 World's Fair. Eighty dolls yelling "Small girl after all"

Who was at the Dupont Pavilion? Why was the bench still warm? Who had been there?

Or the time when the storm tangled up the wire to the horn on the pole at the bus depot.

And in the back of the edge of hearing these are the words the voice was repeating:

Ana Ng and I are getting old and we still haven't walked in the glow of each other's majestic presence.

Listen Ana, hear my words. They're the ones you would think I would say if there was a me for you.

(All these moments, that he imagines he almost met her. Except that something got in the way)

When I was driving once I saw this painted on a bridge "I don't want the world, I just want your half"

They don't need me here, and I know you're there. Where the world goes by like the humid air.

And it sticks like a broken record. Everything sticks until it goes away. And the truth is, we don't know anything.

(He imagines that she left a message for him, and there's no good reason for him to find her, particularly since she haunts him so. A romantic dream perhaps, but who knows?)

 

Women drivers...

March 25, 2002

 

    Am I a writing fiend or what?!?! This is the most that I've written in the diary since I created this thing. I'm doing bills tonight, as well as a few long overdue chores. Dishwasher is cooking, the laundry is spinning and the checks have been written. Still can't justify an X-box, but I'm looking at the budget closely to see where that behemoth can fit it. In actuality I may need to buy a new computer before getting an X-Box. It's just easier to swallow the cost of the X-Box. I've actually run out of disk space on my computer a couple of times. I had cached so much internet pages, that I ran out while playing a game. My system disk is relatively small, and I can't peel off applications and put them elsewhere, because sadly I don't have the disks to restore it with. My version of Windows is an upgrade, not a full blown copy, and I've sure downloaded a lot of stuff, which would take me forever to put back in place. Basically, it would be a pain to just replace the hard drive right now. It would be better for me to just get a new one. After all, I've had this one for over 4 years, which is a lot for a computer these days.

    Accident update: The day after my accident I went to work at the same time and took the same route. And I saw the woman that I hit the day before. She was two cars ahead of me, and I saw her accelerate to make the turn that I hit her at the previous day. She stopped suddenly, and the guy behind her almost hit her, just like I did. Fortunately he had more room in front of him, and so his head swiveled around in time to hit the breaks. Look, I still feel bad for hitting her, especially because it's a huge inconvenience for her, and she did report some headaches, according to my insurance company. But, if she continues to drive in a herky-jerky fashion, she'll get hit again at that intersection. It was still my fault, but I don't feel nearly as reckless now that I understand how I got the impression that she had gone. Well, that's all I have to say on that, unless of course I run into her again. Pun intended.

    Ok, funniest headline of the day: "Playboy seeks 'Women of Enron'" You've got to love AP's opening line. "Playboy is hoping to entice some of the women who lost their shirts in the Enron scandal to reveal a little bit more." That's too funny.

 

Now Playing: Where The Streets Have No Name - U2

I want to run, I want to hide.  I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside.

 

"Special Eggs"

March 31, 2002

    Today is the last day of the month, but more importantly it is Easter. Today was a good day. My new alarm clock, went off like clockwork. (Pun unintended, at first) Fritz has done a better job of getting me up on a regular basis, than anything else in my life. I know that pooh is the consequence of sleeping in, having learned the hard way a couple of weeks ago. I helped set up church this morning, and with his help I was on time. To my delight, I discovered that my sister had come up from Fredricksburg to pick up two of her children and to spend the day with us. As an extra added bonus, my sister-in-law's parents also attended. If you remember, I stayed with them for a month while I was waiting for my house to be available. I must say that I've been very bad about contacting them for dinner, but to be perfectly honest, I've been horrible with everyone. So, after church, we went over to the house where I stayed for a month for an easter egg hunt, which, I don't mind saying is quite difficult. Last year, she hid the eggs using tape, so that you had to use your hands to feel under the couch and inside of things. I think it's a little unfair, but it makes it challenging for not only the kids but the adults. I didn't find a single "special" egg. The "special" eggs unlock bigger prizes such as toys for the boys, and costume jewelry for the girls.

    I also had to drop off my car at the auto body repair shop, so that they can undo, what I've done to it. Fortunately, my brother could spare a car for a few days, so I don't need to rent a car. They should have it for a couple of days, so hopefully I'll get it back by Thursday at the latest. We shall see.

    I went shopping this week, oh no! I'm terrible with restraint when I go shopping, which is why I try to limit my excursions. Window shopping is a joke for me. So, even though I went out to get a new harness for the dog, I went home with something to add to my Star Wars collection, a copy of Front Page 2002, 2 DVD's and a CD. My God, what have I done? I was due for spending, and the purchase of Front Page 2002, kicked me in the butt to work on the site. I spent a number of hours this weekend revamping the James portion of my site. I should be done in a few days. I'm close to completing it, but I'm not entirely pleased with the new background I've added to it. It works for some of the albums, but not all, and it's a little distracting at the moment. Because of my limited artistic ability, I tend to go geometric, when I need something. Front Page 2002 hasn't really given me too much yet, I don't use the themes or some of the other bells and whistles, so I don't really get the most out of it.

    Because I've been working on the James portion of the site, I've been listening to their music all weekend. A few months ago, a friend of mine in Colorado mentioned that he liked a song called "I defeat". At the time, I didn't know which song he was talking about. I finally listened to it, when I discovered that I did in fact have the song in my collection. I'm listening to it now. It's on repeat. It's actually a duet between James and Sinead O'Connor. It's a pretty good description of how I've sabotaged some of my best chances for a good relationship.

    One of the movies I purchased this weekend was "When Harry Met Sally". Which was a bargain at $9.99. As I was watching it, I thought of my friend in Florida, who has some definite Sallyesque tendencies. I'm not as dark as Harry, but I definitely have some of the jaded tendencies and the habit of relating each and every emotion that I'm going through as it's happening. In the movie, they had known each other for 12 years before falling in love. Only 3 years to go for us. It's a great film, and men and women do have a hard time being friends if there is attraction there. I don't think it's entirely impossible, but it's very hard.

    Well, I must go to bed, it's getting late, and I'm feeling a bit woozy.

 

Now Playing: I Defeat - James

We were doing so well, we had broken the spell, and freedom seemed just within reach. We had managed the bend between lover and friend. And a place where we could possibly meet. Yes, it's me, I can't help myself, I just run headlong to defeat.

I'm so hard on myself, don't deserve any help. So I must let you go, let you go. So, I push you away, while I hoped you would stay. But I don't let you know, let you know.