May 1, 2001

    New month, new page. Whenever I see the word pages in my diary, I think of the games Myst and Riven. For those of you who have played the games you may remember one of the characters saying "Bring me the blue pages..." I heard that the 3rd chapter in the Myst games are coming out this year. They were both really involved games which challenged your problem solving skills. Plus they had really cool mood music. Cool enough that the maker of the music put out a separate CD which you may be able to find at your local Best Buy.

    May is a month of birthdays in my family. Hmm, let's do the math, subtract 9 from May and you get September. Why September? September is a pretty pleasant month I guess. It's the month that kids go to school, which may explain why the parents have more time in most cases. Today is my Mother's birthday. She and my father drove down our way this past weekend, so we had a party to celebrate both her and my nephew's birthday. Happy birthday Mom! Sorry you had to skip the softball game tonight Dad!

    My old team in Albany has their opening game tonight, I can't say that I don't miss it, because I do. I may be playing in a game when I visit later this month, but it won't be my decision, I certainly won't force myself into the game, but I'll bring my cleats just in case. 

    My brother's birthday is coming up soon as well, so we'll celebrating that with him in the next week. My sister-in-law is also having a birthday this month, I believe that she will be celebrating her 21st  birthday again. In addition, someone who used to be very important to me is celebrating a birthday as well. So happy birthday to all of you, just in case I don't have a diary entry for that day. 

    It's time for dinner, but I'll return to tell you all about it. Meanwhile, I can figure out what IT is. Dinner is over, it's Taco night and I ate more than my share. I came back down here to my room and my cat immediately hopped onto my lap. She was feeling threatened earlier when my nieces brought the puppies into my room. She's content now and probably forgives me for paying any attention to those dogs. One of the dogs really likes me, his name is Fritz and he always perks up whenever I walk into the room. This morning, I was upstairs in my bath robe and Fritz bounded over to me excitedly, so I sat down on the floor and let him crawl onto my lap. He started to settle in for a nap, but since I was going to be late for work I had to put him down. His tail drooped low as he walked away. The children have been telling me that I broke Fritz's heart, and that I should make it up to him. He's a cute one. Zoe is the other dog, she and he chase each other around, biting and barking when they are awake. When they sleep, they cozy up together for warmth and comfort. It's really cute. 

    I started reading Stephen King's newest offering "Dreamcatcher." It's pretty good so far, at least it's keeping my interest pretty well. Last night, I had a nightmare. Or at least it was as much of a nightmare as I'm bound to have at this age. To begin with I sleep through almost all my dreams, so I don't really know what I dream about. For some reason I awoke at 12:45. I had dreamed that the house that I was living in had burned down. I didn't wake up in any dramatic fashion, sweating or screaming, I just woke up. I usually sleep the sleep of the dead, so it was odd for me to wake up. Hmm, it's odd to be a romantic and not have dreams to remember. I suppose I do enough coloring in my waking hours, I don't need to paint the world rosy in my sleeping hours. 

    I'm getting over a cold that kept me out of work on Friday. I could feel it coming on Wednesday, but it was too soon and too mild to miss work over, I had a feeling it was going to get worse, and did it. It wasn't as bad a flu, but I throat was more raw than I can remember. I'm still congested but it's mild. I took some decongestant and it only made me loopy. It has pseudoephedrine in it, which dries you out and opens up your blood vessels. Work is getting better day by day, everything that I learn bolsters my confidence and adds to the tools that I have at my disposal. It will take a while before I'm satisfied, but each day is getting better. The fact is that I'm too inexperienced to know what to expect when I get  to a new job. The next job I have will jar me less as I realize that they are hiring me not only for what I know, but what I can learn, and what I can figure out. 

    I've been thinking a lot lately about my next home. I've started doing research on what I can afford and what it will take in regards to savings as well as cleaning up any extraneous credit so that the mortgage company will pass me through with flying colors. As it stands, I have a good credit rating, and I'm chipping big chunks out of the remaining debt that I have. The interest rates are great right now, but the housing prices are obscene. I'm not exactly sure when I should jump in and buy, but I want to be prepared when it happens. The longer I wait, the larger my down payment will be, and the more expensive the house I can afford. I've been talking to my family about what to expect and what sort of decisions need to be made in regards to the house I choose. I don't want to be house-poor (which means that I've left myself with no money because of a large mortgage) nor do I want to invest in a home that I can't sell for a profit in 5 years. I'm looking to invest in something, as well as provided a stable platform in which to build a family. Yep, I've got that whole Neanderthal idea of making sure that I can provide for my family prior to having one. Granted, my heart has generally gone before my head, but now that I'm not being led around my heart, I can afford to use the brains that God gave me and invest wisely.

    My email has been really quiet lately, I shouldn't complain, since I owe a few emails myself. I'm behind, mostly because nothing of tremendous consequence or interest has happened recently. Most of those things are put in my diary. I haven't really had any really personal things occur, so I don't really have anything juicy to tell. Life is proceeding along. I'm still in a pseudo-hibernation. I'm not going out with friends, I'm pretty much tied to the family. I'm really looking forward to visiting my old friends and having a great time, playing some golf, going out to lunch, drinking a few beers after softball and generally being happy. It's going to be fun, can't wait to see you all soon. 

    That's all for today. U2 in less than a month!!!! Therefore, I'm listening to All That You Can't Leave Behind   

May 2, 2001

    Something interesting has happened this afternoon. I received an e-mail from Crushlink.com. Here is the text of the message:

I received the e-mail right before I left work, but since it required me to login to their site, I opted to wait until I returned home. I also decided that this would be a perfect opportunity to share something unique with my readers. I still don't know who sent this to me. On the way home I speculated and the longer I thought about it, the wider the possibilities. This e-mail has put me right back into High School again. My stomach got little butterflies. It was the anticipation of finding out who has a crush on me.

    I know who I want it to be, but I tell myself that that it won't be her so that I won't be disappointed, and therefore not enjoy the gift when I finally open it. I wonder if it's my Mom or my Grandmother or other female relative, perhaps it's my nieces who sent it. Maybe they are telling me that our Dog Fritz has a crush on me. Maybe it's one of my guy friends pulling my leg, knowing that I'll jump all over this. Perhaps it's one of my friend-girls in Albany who just want to tell me that they're thinking of me, especially now that I'm going to be able to visit with them soon. Or, maybe it's junk mail. Maybe it's an errant message from a complete stranger, and I'm getting my hopes up too much that it will be from someone familiar. It's been almost 3 hours since I've received it and I'm going to open it up as soon as I finish my thoughts of the day. And I'll let you know who it's from when I'm done, although, I probably won't tell you exactly who it is, I will let you know exactly who it is in relation to me. 

    One thing that has been able to distract me from this little surprise is that I received my U2 CD from France! I don't know a lick of French, but I managed to successfully navigate through their website and order this thing and it actually arrived today. It's a special edition single that includes 6 picture postcards. The CD itself includes two live tracks that are unavailable elsewhere, so you know I'm pleased by that. Here's a link to the CD, you can go the picture links to see the pictures that they included. Very cool in my opinion! Stuck In A Moment

    Survivor II is almost finished, and I'll miss it. I've been a Survivor junky these past few months. I've been downloading interviews and reading their chats every week. DSL really helps in that capacity. Elisabeth was voted off last week, I was disappointed but expected it. She's now engaged to Tim the Boston College Quarterback. Once again, it feels just like High School. Awww, she's too good for me anyway. I'm sure that he's everything his parents ever wanted, plus any infatuation with female celebrities is unhealthy. I, surprisingly enough do not go Ga-Ga over actresses and female singers, I figure they are unattainable and a waste of time for me to dwell on. As it stands, the show will be over soon and she will pass out of my conscious mind rather quickly. Oh, and my pick for the winner? I think Colby wins immunity and then takes the Million. He has been dominant and has played the game wisely. If he doesn't win immunity Tina takes it. Keith will be in second. Keith would have been the villian if we didn't already have Jerri to pick on. 

    Ok, here goes nothing, I'm going to see, aw dammit, the butterflies are coming back. I'm going to wait a few more minutes to see if it subsides. I have to finish working on another page anyhow. Just hold on, I'll be back to give you the verdict. 

    I've now updated all the pages that needed to be updated this evening, oooh wait, I just remembered one last update...

    I actually remembered 3 or 4 updates, anything to avoid the butterflies from my childhood. The worst thing is that what I want and what I expect to happen are completely opposite and no one likes to get their hopes up. This time I'm really going to do it.

    Step 1: Double click on my super secret special link.    Done

    Step 2: Fill out the form. Here are the instructions:

Hmm, Celebrate! It's cute, it's sappy, I'm 9. 

It's complicated, it's interesting, it's not a crush. But it's a hell of a way to get people to register on their site. Basically, you put people on your list and if they match you will be notified. Meanwhile they are notified if you put them on your list. 

    I have decided not to play. Basically, I don't want want to play on the heart string of those with whom I care about. Which pretty much consists of all the people that I know and all of the people who have my e-mail address. Whomever sent me this, thank you. If you wanted to let me know that you were thinking of me, I surely appreciate it. If you were just trying to figure out whether I had secret feelings for you, sorry, I wasn't the one who originated this, but just between you and I. I do have secret feelings for you. Shhh, don't tell anyone. Lastly, I wonder if I was that person's first choice, or sixth guess... I suppose I may never know. 

    To quote some of our finest game show hosts... Thanks for Playing!

    Back briefly, after deliberating for a few minutes I decided to throw in 5 junk-mail addresses so that I could get a hint. my hint was that the person's first name was 8 or more letters long. I'm pretty sure I know who it is now, but you never can be sure. Sorry sweetie, you're a hottie, but I didn't send you a Crushlink :-( Time to watch some Law and Order.

May 5, 2001

    I had myself a little scare this morning. My power supply on my computer went out on me. Although when it happened, your imagination can get pretty expensive. I was calculating the cost of replacing the whole thing. It's no secret that I want a new computer, but I also want a house and a new car, so I have to put my priorities in order. First off, the computer with the new power supply is working. Although I'm not sure that I hooked all the wires back in right. My front panel display doesn't register the power, but that's because I accidentally yanked some wires and I'm not really sure where they go. Without a manual, it would be hit or miss for me, and the manual (if I have it) is in storage. So as long as I my monitor gets a feed, I know it's good. It was actually the first power supply that I've done, nothing blew up, nothing is smoking. Mission Accomplished. I'm starting to treat my computer like my car, I'll ride it until it breaks down and then buy a new one. Meanwhile, save, save, save. Which reminds me, I would have been screwed if this didn't come up, or if it blew away my hard drive. I don't have any of this stuff backed up. I figured that I would get a CD-ROM burner with my next computer, and then I could do a pretty good backup.

    Honey has crawled into my lap, she's fat and happy. She is noticeably bigger now then when I was in Albany. I think it's because she has less room to roam and therefore less area to explore. Plus she would follow me around the house. She can't really follow me around the house so she misses me a lot. I guess it makes right now all the more important. 

    Happy Birthday to you. You know who you are. Tomorrow is my brother's birthday, he'll be 31. It seems strange that my siblings are in their 30's. Then it will be 40's, 50's, 60's. Life is fleeting when you think about it. Today was a pretty nice day. We went out computer part shopping, went to a yard sale to check out an item that my sister-in-law found and I did my laundry. I washed my sheets and blankets, they will be covered in fur in less than two hours. It's the price of pet ownership. It's a small cost by the way.

    Tina won Survivor II. I can't believe it. Actually I can, she did a fantastic job to get to the finals. I thought Colby was more deserving though. Not only did he win the physical challenges, he won the mental ones as well. If he really valued the money, he would have voted for Tina instead of Keith. For some reason the Million dollars became a lot less important after 42 days in the Outback. I'd like to say that I could remain focused on the prize, but I wasn't in his shoes. I'm seriously considering putting a video tape together for next year's Survivor (Survivor 4). I don't do enough spontaneous things in my life, therefore I'll plan on it a year ahead of time.  

   Oh yeah, last thing. I saw Finding Forrester last night. I enjoyed it. The actor who played Jamal was pretty decent and the story was a bit inspiring. As someone who would like to be a good writer, I listen to the words and wonder if I could piece together a great American novel. The truth of it is, I won't find out unless I try. Well that it's for this evening. 

May 19, 2001

   The rain is coming down hard this evening. I just returned from baby sitting. One of my brother's best friend called me at work this afternoon and asked if I could watch his two kids tonight. I'd do it for nothing, but he insisted on enticing me with Sam Adams, Two DVD features from blockbuster and Pizza. How could I say no? It was the easiest baby sitting job I've ever had. The kids were in bed relatively early, so I had the chance to enjoy "Billy Elliot" and "Bounce". I sometimes get a little misty during certain films, but let me tell you that I don't think I've been that moved by a movie or anything else for that matter in a long while. Bounce was OK as well, and after two beers I was a little more susceptible to that lovey dovey stuff. I've had the opportunity to watch a few thought provoking films recently. I saw "Wonder Boys" and "Finding Forester" recently and it makes me think about writing. I want to write the great American novel. Hell, I wouldn't mind writing the great Australian novel.

   It's late, and the rain, which I can no longer hear has inspired me to write a few words. I had some poignant thoughts on the way home. Sometimes I feel like I need an emotional wringer to pull it out of me, whether it be real life, or more often a film or song. I'd like to hear the rain some more and think deep thoughts and figure out one of the mysteries of the world. Even if it's only my world. I would like to have a screened in porch where I can hear the bugs and crickets and listen to the silence. Just tapping away in a diary, just trying to sort it all out. Unfortunately, the deep thoughts that accompany a drive home in pounding rain, and nearly deserted streets is hard to reproduce. It's sobering when you forced to think about the world around you and how you view it. It's sobering to remember that everyone operates their lives without really seeing it. The area I live in is pretty fast paced. It has to be, you spend so much time on the road to your destination, you have to play out your remaining time in a manner which pleases you best. If not, how do you survive? I'm looking forward to making friends in this town. I don't have any yet. I don't meet people easy. People who know me, don't believe me when I say that I'm shy until you get to know me. I don't approach people, I don't like rejection, of any flavor.

   I put Depeche Mode's new CD in, to soften the mood. Unfortunately, it's not leading me to the profound, just the pits. It's not a bad album, I'm beginning to become fond of it. It's been really helpful at work, I've been listening to it while I troubleshoot problems. I also picked up REM's new album as well. It's old home 80's week and both albums are fairly reflective.  I'm beginning to yawn down the home stretch. Sleep well.