November 12, 2001

       I'm Back!!! and in good spirits, and in good health. Although neither of those two declarations were always true over the last several weeks.  Twenty-three days have passed since I last wrote anything down. Too much to do and a certain lack of motivation for updating the diary. For the week and half prior to moving in to my new home, all I did was try to kill time. I did such a great job blocking out everything that I forgot to turn on my utilities until the day before I was supposed to move in. Somehow, I completely spaced it out. Because I forgot to start  up my utilities, my power was out the night I was supposed to do my final walkthrough. So, armed with a mag-light, I looked to see if there was any damage, having seen none, and not wanting any delays, I signed off that the house was in good working order and proceeded to move in the following day. Immediately, I discovered two distressing problems. The first was that my phone didn't appear to be working. I tried a number of things, but in the end I called the phone company. They told me that there was a problem on line 1, so they fed my primary line into line 2. It would have been nice if  they  had told me about that, particularly since I only have one jack in the house for line 2. So, my solution was to change the jacks in the back of the house, so that my house thinks Jack 1, is A-OK. Jack 2 is mute. While testing for phone problems, I discovered the second problem. This was one more serious and more costly to address. As of November 1, all of my phones are cordless, which means that I need power in order for the cordless phone to work. So, when I went to test the phone lines in my office, I couldn't get in power. It turns out that the entire circuit isn't working. So, none of the outlets work in this room and in the bathroom. The lights work, and I'm typing with the aid of a long extension cord. To add some inconvenience a repair guy will be next Monday. Nearly two weeks after calling them. Because I'm using my Home warranty plan, I have to use one of their companies for the repairs. Hopefully it's minor, and the most it will cost me is a $100.

    Despite these small setbacks, I have unpacked and arranged 99% of my household. The only thing that limits me now is furniture. I need / want a huge CD bookshelf that holds about 1000 CD's. It will cost me over $250 on-line, not including shipping. For now, most of my CD's are in boxes, and I would love to display them. I also need some more shelving etc. for the Star Wars collection. I have a lot of extra room right now to stretch out into. Not all of my furniture fits with the walls and each other, but it will do for now, and is quite comfortable.

    Last night was excellent! My brother and his family came over to visit me. I'll admit that I'm a bit lonely here. It's been over a year since I've lived alone, and if you've been reading, you know that I was fine living alone in NY. I'll be fine again, but it is an adjustment that I'm having to make. My sister-in-law is just awesome. While my brother and I went out to get some Outback, she rearranged my kitchen, my living room and parts of my family room. I kind of gave her permission, but she went farther than I would have guessed when I consented to moving a couch around. Her vision for how the room should look was far superior to mine, plus I was going about my kitchen all wrong. She cleared it up and made it more intuitive. The place looks much better! I was struggling with where everything should go and she helped clear much of that up. Then again, I had just finished putting a number of things away, so I hadn't been able to tackle the bigger issues. One of her ideas, made my living room twice as large, at least visually. I'm feeling a bit more optimistic about my living conditions now. I see less of a pressing need for new furniture.

    While we were waiting for our Outback order, my brother and I went to Giant Food to go grocery shopping. I hadn't been grocery shopping yet, I had been living exclusively on Pizza. I had bought eight pizzas for the guys who helped me move in, and had a great deal of leftovers. I finally ran out of Pizza two days ago, so it was a necessity for me to go shopping. BTW, the move went great, I had a tremendous amount of help from men in my church. I hardly had to lift a finger. Oh yeah, I also was the driver of the truck I rented. Since I moved on Friday and my brother was moving on Saturday, we shared a truck. Not just any truck would do, we ended up renting the 25 footer. This is the biggest truck I've ever driven. Since I was the only one there to pick it up, I was the only authorized driver, and I thought driving the Ford Excursion was a pain. My brother's move was even more smooth than mine. His took a total of 3 hours. We got started early and I was out of his house by noon time. I was exhausted, because I slept on his living room floor the night before. If I had stayed at my house, I wouldn't have gotten up on time. So after the move was completed I made two last pit stops. One was to Costco where I purchased a DVD player, not just any DVD player though, this one also plays MP3's! I also bought my first DVD, and the honor goes to.... Star Wars - Episode I. The DVD edition is quite splendid, it includes a number of extras in it, all for the low low price of $18.99. The last pit stop was to pick up my cat. She was still in the garage, and it took a while to coax her out. During the trip to my new home, I had to have one hand on the steering wheel, and the other on her. She wanted to dart under my seat, and I knew how hard it would be to get her out once I arrived at my destination. So, we arrive and I let her go when I step through  the front door. She immediately goes up-stairs. A few minutes I hear this howl, MWHAAAAAHW!!! She was so thoroughly freaked by this change in atmosphere, I seldom saw her the first 48 hours I was in the house. Meanwhile I was still exhausted, yet I had all these boxes to unpack. I couldn't cope, so I took a nap, woke up and started the arduous task of unpacking. By the end of that evening, I had done the two most important things. I had unpacked my stereo and put together my bed.

    I didn't really make much progress this week. Too busy, too tired, too unmotivated to really arrange furniture. Friday and Saturday were my watershed moments. I was able to really dig in and focus on where stuff needed to go, where it could go and I started breaking down the empty boxes for longer term storage. I still need to hang up pictures, and I do need to decide on what color, if any I'm going to paint the walls with. I may just go white, it's easier and is adaptable later. Many of the decorations are feminine. Floral prints and pastels. It doesn't look bad, but I'm a guy. 

    Well, I just got some great news! The sellers called me to ask about mail, I forwarded a bunch of it on Friday, and then when asked how things were going, I decided to ask them about my electrical problem. It turns out that my GFP (I think that's the acronym) for the downstairs is located in the bathroom of the upstairs. They admitted that was a goofy wiring scheme, but I've reset it and it works! I just saved $100!!! What can I buy with a $100... OK, OK, I'll practice restraint.

    I also spoke on the phone with my friend. She is moving down to Florida because a rash of health problems have made working nearly impossible. She's selling just about everything she owns so that the move will be as cheap as possible. I wish I could buy more from her, but I may only need a guest bed. Anything else may not serve me, plus I need the cash in hand for rent, etc. I still haven't worked out my budget, it's in round numbers right now, and I don't really know how much I can spend in any 30 day period. I have decided to dedicate certain funds to savings and for the first time in my life, I'm actually going to be tithing. For the uninitiated, tithing is the practice of giving 10% to your church. Until recently, I had been running from God, or at the least I've had my back turned. Armed with belief, but a lack of commitment. This must be the season of commitment for me. First a house, now a church. Do you hear those wedding bells chiming yet? For a quasi-rebellious spirit, I've been getting in line quite easily. I've operated under the thought that I knew better for so long, perhaps real maturity is attained when you recognize how much you don't know, and then trust in those you love to have good advice. Oh, I'm still a bit crazy and like to buck certain conventions, but at least now I can do them from a sounder footing. I think that it used to be common for me to rebel for rebellions sake. Now I'm only rebelling when it makes sense to me.

   I discussed my health earlier. For about two weeks I was under the weather. I had this cold that went on forever. As you probably read, this whole Anthrax thing was of some concern to me, given my proximity to the post office. Fortunately, my post office tested negative for Anthrax exposure and I've now gotten my flu shot, which, will hopefully keep me from getting the flu this year. I also had the opportunity to hear a doctor speak about Anthrax. It's actually a bit more difficult to get than the panic around it suggests. Many people in 3rd world countries get the cutaneous (skin) variety, seek no medical care and are fine. The most dangerous, and least prevalent version is the ingested kind. This one is pretty much fatal, because the symptoms don't appear until it's too late. The Inhalation kind is treatable, but deadly. The advice was to monitor yourself, and see a doctor if you think you've been exposed. If you have, it's recoverable if you are seen in time.  The bottom line is that the flu itself kills far more people each year, and we don't panic about that. Hopefully we won't have to continue fighting terrorism at home. Time will tell.

   I apologize for lack of content added while I've been on holiday. I will try to continue adding stuff on the site for your enjoyment. Oh, I just remembered, I have some great U2 pictures from when I saw them in Baltimore. My friend did a fantastic job of weaving through the outstretched hands to get some fairly candid shots of Bono and the boys. I will try to start scanning them in today. I'm very pleased with what she was able to capture. I helped, but it wouldn't have been possible without her. And, with my DVD player I've been able to watch some of my U2 stuff on DVD!!! Yahoo!!!! They have a full concert coming out soon, as well as another music video for Walk On. That, and I've gotten a U2 convert! She won't be a full on convert like myself, but she now knows that my obsession is grounded in quality. I have to pick up some parting gifts for her, so that she may better know the band that I love so much. Although my first love is U2, James has released an album recently, and with the help of my U2 buddy in Denver, I was able to get a b-side of James that I really dig. I can relate to this song, because it chronicles a man who is trying to protect himself from getting hurt, and then finally proclaims his love for this woman, even if it makes him look silly, or exposes him to rejection. Basically, he puts his heart on the line. I've been practicing a policy of self protection for the better part of two years, perhaps even three. Hopefully, I'll know the right time to Shoot my mouth off. Certainty doesn't seem to be an option anymore. Perhaps intuition is.   

November 13, 2001

    Can't write too much. I got started late this evening. I was having too much fun playing with my new toys. OK, they're not really toys per se. I went to Home Depot today and bought a few items. I'm lucky, Home Depot is right across the street from my work, so a little lunch time trip nets me all kinds of cool stuff! Today, I bought my first tool box. Just so you know, I'm beaming right now :-) I can't believe that I've gone 28 years without one. What have I been thinking? This one was relatively cheap, and it doesn't contain as many compartments as I would like, but it's mine. I also bought a recycling bin, a dust pan and brush and a small light bulb for my lava lamp. I used my gift card that I received for my birthday. Thanks Bro! Up until this point, I've been putting all tool related items in boxes. So this is good.

    In addition, I finally went through all the junk mail I've gotten since I've moved in. My God! How do you people put up with this stuff? Some of it provided really good coupons, but much of it is now in the trash. As you may already know, the Post Office does not forward catalogues, so thanks to the previous residents, I've received no less than 6 in the last week. I now know why my Mom gets buried underneath this stuff. Thankfully, I'm not one who likes to poke through catalogues. The only time they interest me, is when I have an idea for something that I want to buy and then I can comparison shop. Even so, it's easier to shop on-line.

    I was able to put a few more Elevation Tour Photo's up. Check back periodically, I'm still scanning away. This will take a little while.

    Today is the 9th anniversary of the day that I joined the Air Force. You may have heard this story before, but I think it's interesting. November 13, 1992 was a Friday, one of the more memorable Friday the 13ths. It was also a full moon, and Bram Stoker's Dracula was released in the theatres. I remember standing at attention after we arrived in the barracks, and we were being yelled at, a lot. I thought to myself, in my calmest voice. "OK, this isn't funny anymore. I'm ready to go home now." Nine years. Nine years. With that I'll let you get back to work. 

November 19, 2001

    Ah, it's beginning to feel like home! I received a few albums in the mail courtesy of HMV.com which is kind of like the Tower Records of Canada. You absolutely have to love the Exchange rate! Now I just need a digital camera, because LP's are too big for the scanner bed.

    Time seems to evaporate quite quickly. It's already a quarter to nine and I've gotten very little done since I've been home. I tried to get stuff done, but it just happens to be time consuming. My weekend went by a little too fast. On Saturday, I started shopping for Thanksgiving. Boy, is it expensive! For other people it's probably less so. But, since I don't have any kitchen gear, (or less than I need) it adds up quickly. Sunday was devoted to picking up furniture. My friend is leaving town, and everything must go. Everybody won on Sunday. I picked up a spare bed, and my sister picked up an armoire for the computer. My friend had a few checks in hand and less to transport down to Florida. So, even as bittersweet as that it is. It's still sweeter than the alternative.

    I'm probably going to burst my bubble here, and perhaps even reveal a tendency that we have when relating to people, which doesn't bode well for me, and my diary. Someone once said something along the lines of I wish she could see me as the person I want to be. And that kind of sums up what occurs here. I don't try to lie, but I do omit some things that I struggle with. I'll also admit some things I struggle with to, but in the scheme of things they are minor. Some of the things that I cope with, that I don't discuss are minor too (in the scheme of things) but all in all, you really can't get all of me from these pages. It's a nice frame that I've constructed around myself, and I'm sincere about wanting to be all the things that I talk about, but I'm human, and I don't always make the right choices. One good part of this diary is that you can know more of what I think about than if you only spoke with me sporadically. It's also good for news about what's going on. It does concern me that this might be false advertising. I guess, all in all, when any of us can measure our words before airing them, we have the ability to censor some of the uglier aspects of what goes through our minds. We don't have that luxury with our actions. There's no backspace, no delete. And even with those powerful tools, I still publish some stuff that I regret when I read them again. Whether it be overconfidence, or greed, lust. Name the seven deadly sins and I've at least thought about them. The larger my readership, the more I worry that something will come off wrong. The only real solution is to try to do better with my life. I feel this will be a theme in my life for a while. I'll try not to become too discouraged when I don't live up to my expectations. Or worse, lower my expectations so that I succeed. Time will tell. Stay tuned!

    The friend who is relocating has become quite a fan of my writing. I think that she enjoys the writing more than she enjoys me. Hmmm, I either need to change my career, or make myself more appealing. Soon, she'll have no choice but to read about it in the news, because she'll be far away. And the irony is; we've become better friends now that she's on the outs despite the fact that I've lived in the area for a year. I guess we always thought that there would be more time. Hmm, kind of gives me a small chill when I think of those I really want close to me, and they are far, and I don't speak to them nearly enough, because there's always tomorrow.

    I'm starting to fall in love with Ritz Bits peanut butter snacks. They are much better than expected. If I don't stop soon I'm going to finish this box, and threaten my girlish figure.

    I had a small chuckle this evening. I was talking to one of the sellers, and we're just chatting about everything, and we came to the age thing, and she asked me, how old I was, and I told her, she said, your my age! I just assumed you were younger. Well, that's the curse, even if it's a nice curse. I often wonder how much people assume that I'm not mature, because they look at my face and not my words or actions. Then again, sometimes I'm not mature at all, but on the other occasions I wonder if they short-change me. I even wonder if it happens in my romantic relationships as well. Sometimes, they look up and see that I'm more than what I look like. Sometimes, I'm less. But overall, I've been told that I "add up". Nothing spectacular, just good enough in enough areas to warrant a second evaluation. Despite all that, I'm still alone. Choices. Choices. Bad Choices. Perhaps it's saved me. I don't know.

    I've been watching a lot of DVD's lately. I love that new toy! I bought my second DVD over the weekend. This one is Labyrinth which my aunt helped make. Well, this DVD version had the making of Labyrinth which has my Aunt in it! I was really excited to find it because the making (which was originally released on VHS) is about impossible to find. So now I've got it right here at home!!!

    OK, I'm going to watch Pleasantville now. I watched Memento (again), Angel Eyes (slow, didn't finish it) and Bowfinger this weekend. I'm a DVD junky! Still, at this moment it's cheaper than a $47 cable bill. But I am missing some of my favorite shows. :-( 

    Got to go... See you in the funny papers........................

November 26, 2001

    I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving holiday weekend. Mine included all the usual things that occur during this holiday, except perhaps crying. There was no crying at my house. Strike that. There was no crying at my house by adults. I had a full house this weekend. My sister and her family drove up from Fredricksburg, and my parents drove down from NY.  Five adults and 4 children in a 3 bedroom town house. I gave up my bed to my parents and ended up on the Papa San which is about as comfortable as a Futon is to most people. It's not a bad rest, when your my size and age, but it's not quite as good as a bed. The biggest problem stemmed from my lack of sleep in general. I was usually the last to bed, and the first up, with the exception of the children. That's why I was up early :-)

    Thanksgiving was pretty good, everyone pitched in and helped do certain tasks around the kitchen. My mother did most of the cooking, my sister brought some pies and my brother in-law helped carve the Turkey. My father helped serve, I think. He did something good to chip in. So Thanksgiving went off without a hitch, maybe some bumps, but no really hitches.

    I'll admit, I was irritable at times during the weekend. I tried not to take it out on anyone, but we all know how hard that is, even when we feel we're practicing restraint. It comes out in our voices, even when our words are neutral enough. I've tried to ascertain the reasons for this, and it wasn't all weekend. I'm not sure that I've got a answer for that one, it could have been any number of things. I think it was a collection of things, not the least is that I want to be a good host, and therefore I can't relax. The only way for me to relax, is to then escape, but I couldn't do that either. The house was too small for that.

    I did get out for a couple hours on Friday, but that just served to fuel my impatience and irritability. I went to Best Buy on Friday to try to pick up this U2 giveaway that they had. Their intention was to give away a 3 track live CD to the first 500 people who walk into the store. It was a way to promote U2's new concert DVD which was released on Friday. Well, I must have arrived late, because the store was packed, and I stood in line for about an hour and a half just to buy that DVD, hoping that when I reached the front of the line, they would see my devotion and hand me the free disc. Well, it didn't happen, the girl at the counter said that she hadn't heard of the offer, so I went home disappointed, dejected and still irritable. Then, on Saturday I received an e-mail from my good U2 friend, and all around friend who lives in Denver. He  asked if I got the giveaway, and if not he'd could get me a copy. I can't tell you how happy I was to receive that. I was gipped at Best Buy, so I thanked him profusely. I should have it by the end of the week, I hope. 

    I don't want you to get the impression I was irritable all weekend, because I wasn't. For the most part we played board games, cards, watched movies and talked, so nothing really spectacular happened. The only thing out of the ordinary was my lack of sleep and that was I irritable at times. I don't know how everyone took it, and probably won't know, because normally they talk to me about their difficulties with each other. So if there is a problem, I probably won't hear about it first hand. I talked to my Mom about it and she said that I was fine, of course Mom is always right :-). I just don't like it when I can't control my emotions properly. Especially the bad emotions. I don't mind a little crying from time to time, my problem is with the ugly emotions. I try to roll with it so those don't appear very often. I also don't like disappointing people, and I worry that my sister and her family weren't happy being here. Which may or may not be my fault, but I'm still affected by it if it's true. 

    On Saturday, my parents had the opportunity to see my brother's new home for the first time. My nephew kept reminding me that he had to come over to my house to play Star Wars. It brings a smile to my face when I think of his enthusiasm. I think he'll be getting the opportunity on Friday. The kids may be sleeping over on Friday, so we'll see.

    On Sunday, I went to pick up some bookshelves from my friend who as of this moment is driving to Florida. It was like Christmas. Everything must go, and I did my best to get as much into my car as possible. I made out like a bandit, and in hindsight I'm thinking that I need to get her an extra special Christmas gift, because I forgot to factor in a few odds and ends that she gave me in the price of the goods. She'll scoff at that, when she reads this, but try to stop me. It was a muted goodbye for me, we almost spend more time on-line than in person, so it's going to be awhile before I realize she's gone. Oh, how I insulate myself from disappointment and regret and remorse. Spin it the right way, and it all comes out good. I guess it's a half full sort of mentality. I would like to offer a tribute though, one which has followed me for a year, since I moved and it's just as appropriate for her as my other long distance friends. "Who's to say where the wind will take you, who's to say what it is will break you. I don't know, where the wind will blow. Who's to know when the time has come around. I don't want to see you cry, I know that this is not goodbye."

     I'm a DVD snob. Confirmed. Given the opportunity to rent a VHS movie, when the DVD was not available, I opted to wait until next time. I am now a convert. Tsk, tsk, tsk... I'm never going back. BTW, the U2 Elevation DVD concert film is excellent. I'm usually an audio guy. I buy the videos, but seldom watch them. I'm not sure that's going to be the case going forward. It has such high quality, that I will be compelled to be sucked in, again and again. Plus, this one brought back the feeling that I had when I was there. I'm not sure that I've had that before when watching a video of it.

    I must close this up, even though I'm missing out on a lot of details about the last week of my life. Some of the trivial upsides to a weekend of gaming is that when I beat my Dad at Trivial Pursuit 80's edition, which is no small feat. I answered 8 straight questions to win the game.  I was down by 3 tiles and just kept rolling until I won. I also played Scrabble with my parents and my sister and had an 8 letter word which spanned 2 triple word scores. Grand total of points for that turn was 122. A personal record. It was the first time I've been able to hit two triple word scores at the same time. Trivial, but satisfying. Goodnight.

    Oh yeah, I almost forgot. After having worn a goatee for about a month, I shaved it off. I wanted to get carded when I buy beer again. Some people seemed to like it, but I feel better about being clean shaven. It's like a different person for me, and to a certain degree I felt like a different person with it on. The nice thing is that if I want it back, I can grow it back, knowing it will come in pretty consistent and pretty full.