October 1, 2001

       Today is my birthday! It's been a surprisingly pleasant day. I know, I should expect that it would be a good day, but my expectations for today were relatively low. The family and I celebrated my birthday on Sunday instead of today. My sister and her family drove up from Fredricksburg and we had cake and ice cream. Both my brother and sister gave me appropriate gifts. Blockbuster and Home Depot gift cards! Perfect gifts for the single lonely bachelor. I say that tongue in cheek. As a soon to be new homeowner I know that I'll be using those Home Depot cards, and as a poor soon to be new homeowner, I'll appreciate the free entertainment.

    Today began innocently enough with me actually getting out of bed on time, which didn't happen much last week. My sleep schedule is a bit off since moving over here. I'm staying up later than usual, and with the cooler weather, I don't want to get out of bed and face the colder air. I arrived at work and there was a voice mail waiting for me. It was my friend! She called and left a message wishing me a happy birthday. That'll put a smile on your face. Soon after, I received an instant message wishing me a happy birthday in multi-colored 36 point type, singing Happy Birthday to me. Ain't technology wonderful? Meanwhile, around the work place, word got out that it was my birthday. At around 3:00 PM, I received a call from the receptionist of the building. She said there was a package waiting for me downstairs. I went downstairs and found that my good friend had sent me a planter with lovely flowers, a birthday balloon and, of course, a card. The flowers won't survive too long, but the plant will, so this will be my first plant in years that I'll be responsible for. I haven't decided where I'll put it in the new house, but I'll find a nice prominent location for it. After all, it isn't every day that I get flowers. In fact, I've never really received flowers before. So, I'm feeling pretty special today. After some requisite ribbing from my co-workers, I was ushered into the kitchen for an emergency meeting. I soon realized that this was no ordinary meeting. Someone had gone out to Carvel and picked up an Ice Cream cake and a card. I was really touched. After all, I haven't been there that long and these folks have really accepted me here. I am blessed.

    Remember how I talked about Serendipity in my last entry? Well, I was fortunate enough to find a willing participant to join me on Friday. We had a good time at dinner, the mall and finally the movie. It's definitely a date movie. Despite my slight jadedness towards fate and predestination, it still touched my romantic side. I recommend it for all those who are diehard romantics.

Days until Closing: 25

Days until Moving in: 32


October 6, 2001

        Sorry for the abrupt ending on my last Diary entry. I was interrupted while writing it and never got back to it. I'm sure I had more to say, but the day has passed and different thoughts and feelings weigh on my mind and heart.

    Today is the last game for Cal Ripken Jr. I grew up rooting for him, even though he wasn't my favorite player. He's had a great career and I'm glad that I was able to see him play 4 or 5 times. The first time I saw him play was in 1983. My fall ball baseball league had a night at the ballpark. It was very exciting to make the trip to Memorial Stadium to see the Orioles play. It was my first major league game. The opening ceremony this evening was quite moving. The governor of Maryland has officially decreed that October 6 is now Cal Ripken Jr day for the state of Maryland. The mayor of Baltimore named a street after him, Bill Clinton was also there. The Orioles have retired his number and as a tribute the starting lineup from Cal's first start was dressed in their uniforms and put on the field. The Orioles are currently losing. I hope Cal gets a hit tonight. He's been slumping as of late, and it would be nice if he goes out on top. The Orioles haven't had a very good season this year, and I wonder who they'll pick up to replace Cal's star power. It will be hard to replace him. He is truly a legend.

    I've been watching a lot of baseball this weekend. This is the first year in a while that I've been following the season closely. The Phillies (my other favorite team) missed the postseason by just a little bit. They've had an amazing season, but not good enough to win the division. Barry Bonds of the Giants hit 2 homeruns last night in a losing effort to break Mark McGwire's single season home run record. I watched the entire game last night. The announcer notified the viewers in the ninth inning that this was the longest 9-inning game in history at a little over 4 hours and 20 minutes. I can't believe I stayed up until 3 AM to watch it. Insane. The Giants needed to win to stay in the playoff race, they lost a close one 11 - 10.

    As I'm watching this great tribute to Cal Ripken, I still can't push out of my mind how really insignificant baseball really is. How insignificant playing anything is anymore. I didn't say unimportant, but certainly insignificant in comparison to what happened a little over 3 weeks ago. Cal is now up for the first time in the game. Maybe they'll groove him a fastball... Damn, he just missed putting one out in left field.

    This is sad, I'm observing the world through the television and then commenting on it. I need a palm pilot, so I can do the same thing out there somewhere. Hmm, autumn is coming and I won't have the opportunity to really sit out there and enjoy the warm days. I'll be looking forward to next spring when I'm firmly entrenched in my new home, and enjoying warm days on my deck. My brother and his wife found a home, so now we'll be moving on the same date! Oh joy. The upside is that we'll be able to share a truck. I finally have a firm dollar amount that will be due at closing. To make my target I have to be very careful about what I spend. I have been, but expenses do come up. Now I know exactly how much money I can spend between now and November 8. A budget is going to be more important than it has ever been before. I've been extremely organized about how much I spend, yet I haven't really ever lived by a budget. For the most part, I've been able to spend what I want, making sure that the bills are paid first. I'm about to making the biggest commitment of my life up to this point, and I aim to keep it. Because of the events on September 11th, the interest rates have dropped more than 1/2 point since I've started talking to the lender, which has reduced the amount of money I'll have to pay every month. Sad to say, but I'll be benefiting from this tragedy. I'm trying to kill time right now so that I can breathe again. I want to live again. I don't really feel like I'm taking advantage of life right now. It's kind of like that quote: "Most men live a life of quiet desperation." I hate being that guy, yet I feel encumbered financially, and socially. Oh geez, my legs have fallen asleep. I'm laying on my back on my bed with my computer on top of my dresser. The keyboard is on my lap and I had my legs folded under so that I could type and still watch the game.

    I'm sick of complaining this evening. I'm feeling a bit somber so my mood is coming through. I could remember good moods if you'd like... It wasn't long ago, I did have fun at the happy hour last night. It was nice to see my co-workers in a different light. It's the first time that I've seen them outside of work. Work has also become a bit more satisfying for me. I've gotten more and more responsibility lately, which is a good sign. I was also told that I might travel to Phoenix on business soon. Although I don't know when that will happen, I hope it doesn't interfere with my moving into my new home. I've never been to Phoenix before, so I'm looking forward to it. I like traveling to big cities. It's the crappy ones that are useless for business travel.

    I'll bid you adieu and goodnight. Just remember, by the time you actually read this, I'll probably be a very happy man!  

Days until Closing: 20

Days until Moving in: 27


October 16, 2001

    You'd think that I would take all this idle time and use it wisely. Well... I haven't. Aside from getting all necessary work done, I've done little else. I've been watching a lot of baseball, and it's been good. I've gotten much better at minesweeper, and I've learned many of the nuances of Othello. I've actually bought two books since moving here, but I just don't want to concentrate on anything right now. I'm more interested in vegetating. Sixty days is a long time to wait to move into a house that you have chosen. It gives your mind too much time to fill while you dream about all you would like to do in your new home. It's hard to get comfortable when you know you'll be moving again soon. I can't imagine how bad it would be to be a refugee. We've got it so good, and we seldom realize it. Or in my case, I know it, but don't always appreciate it. I have the knowledge of it, but my mood is less than happy about it. It's not like I'm sad, but I am unsettled and looking over the fence at that greener grass, just waiting for the day that I hop over the fence so I can get on with the rest of my life. Fortunately, I'm not sad about things, I'm actually stuck in neutral. I have much  to look forward to, the first being U2 on Friday!!! They are coming to Baltimore and I'm bringing yet another U2 virgin with me. The tickets that I have are going for $300 on Ebay. Fortunately, because I belong to the fan club, I got my pair at the face value of $100. It should be an even better show than the other incredible shows that I've seen during this tour. With the events on September 11th, everything is closer to the heart, closer to the bone.

    It's getting closer to the date of closing and I've started firming up my plans for moving in. Today I got my new phone number and set up an installation date. I also discovered that I cannot get high speed internet where I live. It's kind of disappointing and I don't know what I'm going to do about internet access. I also signed up for an interesting phone plan. I opted to go for a cheaper plan that only allowed 50 calls per month free, after 50 I start paying money. I'm not sure that I've made 50 calls in the last year alone. But then I thought Uh-oh, I'm going to dialing up to the internet now. I'll see how it goes the first month or so, and if need be, I'll change my plan.

    I also realized that basic cable is pretty expensive in this area. Over $45!!! So, for now I'm going to have to go without. Boy, am I spoiled these days. I wish I had more money so I could take advantage of the 0% APR financing that all the car dealers are advertising. The offer ends on October 31st. Too bad for me. My car is getting by. I got my hands dirty this weekend by changing my battery in my car. It was really old and it was time. I still need to get my horn fixed so that I'll pass inspection and I still need two new front tires for winter. All in all it beats a 3 to 4 hundred dollar car payment. I haven't had a car payment before, and I'm not ready to start one just yet. I'm being overly paranoid about my budget these days. I'm saving every penny that I can without being a total monk. I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck anymore. I haven't done it the past year. I've been living with a big buffer, and I aim to keep it that way. At the same time, I have a laundry list of desires. The kind of desires you can buy. The list includes Car, computer, DVD player, CD Rom burner, DVD collection, more U2 for the web-site, furniture to display all my stuff. Hmmm, I thought it was a longer list than that. I suppose I could find more to pine for.

    I've started to grow a goatee. Yep, I figure that I need a change to break up the monotony. I stopped shaving around the 6th. It's coming in pretty decent. It looks funny to me, but at the same time, it's making me look older. I didn't even get carded for buying beer today. I'll try to get a picture soon, so that I can add it to the collection of different looks that I've had over the years. Which (aside from Halloween) has been very few. 

    My cat is rolling all over me right now, which is hampering my typing a bit. Two weeks ago I bought a pair of kitty claw clippers so that I could cut her nails. I haven't been able to bring myself to do it yet. I'm not sure I ever will. She doesn't like when I handle her paws, so it's a tough thing to keep her still enough to cut. And I'm going to have her stress her out one more time before we can settle in the for the long haul. I'm planning on banning her from the basement, so that there will be at least one place where those who may be allergic to cats can hang out. My cat will hate it because I'll probably spend a lot of my personal time down there. What you gonna do? It's the only area in the house that I can cordone off.

    Gotta sign off for now. Undeclared is on next.   

Days until Closing: 10

Days until Moving in: 17


October 16, 2001

    I was roused this morning by my cat, who by all accounts, was screaming her head off.  She's worse than an alarm clock. You can turn off an alarm clock. Honey is on all the time. But that wasn't what finally got me out of bed. It was the sound of two dogs crying bloody murder. Zoe had gotten out of her cage, and Fritz (always the Canary) began singing a mournful song about loss and jealousy. He hates it when she gets out and he doesn't. Zoe was happy to see me, up until the time I put her back in cage.

    So now, I'm up. My brother made coffee before he left and I need it. But after two cups, I'm still slow to move. Yesterday was exhausting, but exhilarating. U2 played in Baltimore last night and I was there.

    I brought a friend who has never seen U2 live before. Yeah, she's seen a couple of live like performances on TV, but had never experienced U2 before. Before I invited her I warned her that she would need to take the day off so that she could accompany me in line in my pursuit of getting back into the heart. U2 are using an interesting stage design and presentation on this tour. First off, they have open seating on the floor. It's all general admission. The stage is augmented by a large heart shaped catwalk, which is hollowed out to allow approximately 3 to 4 hundred people inside. Everyone else on the floor jockey's for position to get as close to the catwalk and thus the band as possible.

    Waiting in line can be tedious and a bit nerve-wracking. If you don't arrive early enough, you can only hope that you'll get into the heart. Well, with traffic, line-cutters, disorganization etc we did not make it into the heart. We didn't miss it by a whole lot, so we found ourselves about 3 deep away from the outside of the tip of the heart. The Baltimore Arena is smaller than the MCI center. So this may be the smallest venue that I've seen U2 in. It's the 14th time that I've seen them live and this may have been the best. Even if it wasn't the best it was by far the most emotional for me. Perhaps it was because it was extremely hot, and we were thrust into a seething, pulsing mass of people. Perhaps it was because 39 days ago, the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were attacked. Perhaps it was because U2 have really hit their stride and delivered a concert for the ages. Or maybe it was a combination of all of the above.

    It was a treat to share the U2 live experience with someone who hasn't had the chance before. I was able to do that in Albany, and it was great experience, but given how the show affected me, this was was more special. On the way to the concert, we passed by the Pentagon, and for the first time, I saw the gaping hole left by the plane. It made it more real. As U2 took  the stage, we were already exhausted from standing for the last two hours, waiting to be let in. When Elevation started a burst of energy took away much of our exhaustion and we were off. Given the events of September 11th, and the ongoing Anthrax scare every song seemed to have more poignancy. Sunday Bloody Sunday was stronger, and during a portion of the song, someone gave Bono an American flag which Bono clutched and hugged as the song wound down. It was only the first time during that show that tears escaped down my cheek. Meanwhile, I borrowed my niece's camera and bought a few rolls of film. My friend is a few inches shorter than I am, but thankfully petite. To help her see, and to get some good pictures, I hoisted her up over the crowd to photograph the action. We'll see how that turns out this week. From our point of view Bono was less than six feet away on a number of occasions. He spent a great deal of time close to the tip of the heart and so we were in the perfect position to see him from there.

    I can't possibly recount all that experienced last night, but I'll try to highlight as much as possible. One fantastic moment was when an audience member held a sign asking to play "Knockin' on Heaven's Door". Bono brought the guy on stage, and he played lead. It was a full band version, and it was probably the best version I've heard U2 perform. I also got to hear "Out Of Control" for the first time live. They also played "When will I see you again?" as an introduction to Stuck In A Moment That You Can't Get Out Of." They also played Marvin Gaye's "What's Going On." U2 also played "Please" for the first time during this tour. They last played it in 1997 during the Popmart Tour. Bono talked about how the IRA brought the bombings to the UK and thus when his friends and relatives visited the UK, they were beaten because of their accent. It was a reminder that religious lunatics don't represent the religion as a whole. For the first time many Americans know what the Irish have been dealing with on their own soil. "Please" has some lyrics in it that are particularly meaningful now. I also got to hear "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" for the first this time this tour. I've actually heard better versions before, but it was a welcome return. The encore was even more emotional. "Bullet The Blue Sky" was somewhat of a treat, in part because my friend was surprised by the spotlight that Bono was carrying about. Her enthusiasm and curiosity were contagious. "One" was accompanied by a scrolling list of names of those who were on the airlines that crashed into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. For much of the song, I hoisted my friend up to get pictures. "New York" has a new resonance now and Bono has changed a number of lyrics. "Walk On" was the best part for me. It starts with a couple of lines from "Peace On Earth" and then goes into the song. The song is capped with a round of Hallelujahs. It's a religious experience, it's a celebration, it's a funeral. It was just what the doctor ordered and when it was all over my shirt was hanging on me, and I shuffled out in a stupor. I was emotionally and physically spent.

    There was one scary moment during the show for us. At one point the crowd bucked forward quite violently, as a very large man pushed his way up toward the stage. I turned and asked him what the problem was, he explained that he was from Ground Zero and that he had something that he wanted to deliver to the band. He tried several times to push his way through to hand something to Bono. He had two items in his hands. One was a sheet of paper with some sort of ribbons attached to it and an envelope which appeared to have Adam's name on it. The people around us suggested that he give the stuff to the crew so that U2 could get it, but he wanted to deliver it directly to Bono. After a few people complained about this guy, a senior crew member returned with a note written on a piece of paper which said that the band was not accepting any more and that he needed to back off. The man finally left in a huff. He was there for about 3 songs or so. Several thoughts ran about my head during those songs, and sadly I enjoyed those songs less than I would have, because it was distracting. First off, the fact that he had a letter that he wanted to deliver, was scary in light of the Anthrax cases in this country. Add to that the fact that Baltimore shut down on Thursday because they thought that there was a credible Terrorist threat. I had already made peace with God prior to leaving Washington D.C. yesterday, but I don't want to die. The next observation was "Ground Zero" as a sacred ground or a holy cow. We attempted to let the guy pass through, although we were unsure as to the validity of his claim, but certainly understanding the urgency attached to Ground Zero. But even as we stepped aside, we kind of had to wonder why Ground Zero would be a factor at a Rock concert. It's certainly an important event in our nation's history, this situation smacked of emotional consumerism. Where by you take advantage of people to elevate yourself and your cause above others. This man's conduct missed the point completely. He believed his cause to be so just that he pushed and shoved his way to the forefront of the audience. Another group of men thought there cause was so just that they pushed and shoved our airplanes into the Twin Towers and into the Pentagon. Will we ever learn? I doubt it. We're an imperfect animal, and contrary to popular belief we really aren't evolving into something more perfect. In recorded history we have only become better at killing each other. Does that mean that we shouldn't try? Of course not. I just think we ought to be careful when we hold our dogma too closely.

    To cap an unbelievable night, we passed by the Pentagon on the way back home. She took me around to the side that was hit. I can't effectively describe it, but I do know that pictures can't really describe what has happened. I was left speechless, which, as you know, is difficult to do.

    In other news... I've become more and more excited by the upcoming move. I've rented the truck and my brother and I will share it on the weekend of November 2. We'll also be getting some help from folks in the church. It won't be long now.

    I barely dodged a financial bullet this week. For a few days this week, I dreamed of a new car. I know, I told you earlier that I had made up my mind on a new car. Well, I suppose I had to take a deeper look. After running the numbers, I realized that it wouldn't be wise to purchase at this time. There will be other opportunities to buy in the future and I can patch up my current car. First things first right?

    Well, the day is escaping me, and I ought to get some sunshine. I have to pick up some hamburger buns and drop off the film for development.

Days until Closing: 6

Days until Moving in: 13