Another month is upon us. September has arrived and today is labor day. Which ironically enough, is a holiday. I never really understood that. All I know is that you aren't supposed to wear white until Memorial day. Apparently it's a fashion faux pas. I'm actually supposed to be on my way to a picnic. In a few minutes, I'll stop writing and clean up enough to drive over. I'd prefer to be fashionably late. It's sort of the inaugural picnic for my brother's new church. Services start next Sunday, so they are greeting the public today. It's a nice gesture. As hokey as these things may seem to my cynical eyes, I long for the America that was written about in year's gone by. For the past several decades, writers have been peeling back the mask of what we want to be to expose exactly what we are. Although I do believe in truth in advertising, it has made us a bit too skeptical. Purity, honor, honesty are harder to find, because we no longer hail the individual act, we instead seek to find where the flaws are hidden.
I was watching 48 hours at the tail end of last week, and there feature article was a show that was entitled "Every one has a story." The reporter would travel the country choosing people out of a phone book and would try to find a story to tell. He would start with a map of the United States and a dart. He would turn his back to the map, and throw the dart, wherever it stuck he would drive. Once he arrived, he would open up the phone book and pick a name at random and call them. Some people refused to be interviewed and it would often take him over a dozen phone calls to find someone who would allow him to come into their home. The nice thing about this show was that the host was not trying to find dirt, per se, but a story. Sometimes interesting, sometimes heroic, sometimes tragic. The point is that even though these people are not in the news, they contribute to this collective American landscape. It was much more fulfilling than watching a story about some political figure and his personal intern. Some of the stories were not only moving but they were inspiring. Which is no small feat in this society.
Despite all the inspiration flowing from my television set, I move on and try to kill time without spending money. I've been pretty good, but faltered a step when I found myself at Tower Records. I'll return to that in a moment. I'll start with Saturday, since it was more interesting than usual. I awoke early on Saturday morning and actually remembered one of my dreams. In this dream I was back in high school and I was one of many in a social situation. I was getting along well with one individual (faceless, not a person, but a dream entity), when the entire populous moved to another room, and I was left alone. So, I moved to another room where there were a group of people. Within a few minutes they too left the room. This process repeated several times, and I was left saddened, and slightly angry at these migration habits of my peers. Since this could not possibly indicate a problem with me, I was reminded of why I didn't really like high school all that much to begin with, and still dislike some of the politics of friendships and dating. I'm going to start a small rant here with the knowledge that I am no better than those I'm about to chastise. It's always bothered me when I felt like I've had to jump through hoops in order for someone to like me. I don't want to be the guy they hang out with because they have nobody else to hang out with. Make a date, keep it. It's really that simple. Don't hedge, just make a commitment to a time and a place. Don't scout the horizon for something better than accede to a plan at the 11th hour. I'm guilty of this, but I'm seeking higher ground. This will be continued. I'm going to a picnic...
Days until Closing: 53
Days until Moving in: 60
I've been meaning to get back to this all week, but I haven't had the energy or desire to write and today may be no different, but I'm going to try. I could put this off until tomorrow, but there are no guarantees I won't get side-tracked tomorrow.
When last we spoke, I was describing last weekend to you. After waking up I got on-line and lo and behold my friend was also on-line. She and I made plans to once again go to the mall. I suppose I impressed her with my wit and patience. Mostly, she had errands that required commerce, and I was available. We agreed to meet at Tower Records, which was a good idea, because I was early and I was not bored. The problem (of course) was that I've been trying to save money. The total bill was less than $20 and both CD's I bought were a bargain. I've been pretty well behaved, but it was a misstep. Don't worry, I'm not kicking myself about it. From there we went to Tiffany and Co. I've never been there before, and I tend to cringe at snobbish places, but I could care less about what people think about me these days. Would I be so honest about my failings in this diary if I were? From there we traveled to Tyson's again. She had to return a number of items that just didn't do it for her. The reasons are varied, and beyond me. Somewhere along the trip, I agreed to go to Victoria's Secret with her. I'm still not clear on whether that was a good decision or a bad one. I'll explain further so that you can appreciate the situation. To begin with, I am past the age of giggling over a pair of panties, but I have never lived in a domestic situation with a woman in which I could get used to the wardrobe. As much as I tried and on the surface succeeded, I couldn't reach the point of clinical detachment. Somewhere in my mind, I realized that these undergarments would be sold to someone, of all ages, sizes and shapes, and they would wear them. Add to that, that my friend is an attractive woman, and I'm helping her hunt for panties in her size. Did I tell you that I hadn't reached the point of clinical detachment? Granted, on the surface, I kept my cool, but at the same time, you gotta wonder how it will look. The upside is that any future visits to stores like this will be easier and less conflicted. There is a part of me that still feels like I might as well have been in a strip club, or some other place that was some-what naughty. It's still tantalizing in many ways. I don't like to be teased and avoid that sort of thing whenever possible. For example, I've never been to a strip-club of any type. It doesn't interest me. It's the same reason why I would prefer to not hang out or become enamored with someone whom I like, but doesn't return the favor. It's self protection of the first order. I hate it when I do or say things that I wouldn't normally say to someone and then find myself rejected politely. It's hard to not take those things personally. It's why I try to be careful with people who may have interest in me, I don't want them to feel like I do when I put myself on the line. I don't take things as personally as I used to, but I'm no free swinger either. I try to choose my at-bats carefully.
I must move on to the rest of the weekend. I did go to that picnic on Monday and had a good time. I was able to play volleyball for the first time since last year and enjoyed it immensely. I'll have to find a league after I move into my new home. I like to compete, and I like to win. I felt really satisfied, and really tired on Monday evening. On Tuesday, I woke up at 5:30 AM, and said to myself, today I'm going to be productive, so I got moving, did a few things around my room and got to work by 7:30 which is much earlier than usual. I went home early and was planning to extend my productive into the evening. I did, but not as I intended. My brother came home and asked if I was able to help someone move out of their apartment. I agreed to help, had a sandwich and joined the party of movers. Again, this was satisfying. We had to move a refrigerator and I surprised myself with how much I can really lift. Guys who looked bigger than me, seemed to be having more difficulty than I was having, so it was kind of nice. More important than my self-esteem is that the family we were helping had a group of folks who were willing to help. Remember that refrigerator from a couple of weeks back? We moved that refrigerator again, but this time to another family's house. The refrigerator is huge, and the family that received it saved themselves at least a couple of hundred bucks. The family we moved a couple of weeks ago, are now living in our home until Tuesday. On Wednesday they will be moving into an apartment. They were renting someone's basement, but it didn't work out. So my brother and his wife have put them up. I'm seeing some really great examples of generosity lately, and I'm seeing that the people receiving it, aren't abusing it. My parents have extended their hands out to people through the years, and it seemed as though they kept getting screwed by it. I thought that I would never do that. I don't know if I'll ever open up my home to people the way my brother has, but I'm more inclined to try.
The rest of my week was interrupted by miscellaneous things, so I'm behind on correspondence with people and I've been behind on updating this diary. On Thursday afternoon, another friend of mine found out what her fate would be in her current company. She was the one who's company was bought. She found out that her employment will end in June of 2002. I know what she's going through, since I went through it, and I've tried to be of assistance in relating my experiences, but at the same time, I only had me to worry about. She has a family that she's trying to support, so this is in many more ways more difficult, more disturbing, and more infuriating than my situation. To her credit she's starting to make lemonade from the situation. Which may or may not include a career change. I applaud her for starting to think through it and find a path that will lead her towards the greatest possible rewards. When going through my own company breakup, I saw a number of different reactions. It was interesting to see how people acted in this situation. In many ways it was the most accurate picture of how people really are. I saw people get angry and act on it. I saw people become tremendously lazy and self-serving. I saw people protecting their families. I saw how people maneuvered themselves to get into the new company. I saw cowardice, and I saw greed. It's not the prettiest situation, but you can get the most out of it, without compromising what you believe in. I pray that she finds a smooth path to the end of this thing and is able to benefit from this forced change of circumstances.
On Friday, I went out after work. I caught up with my friend and her neighbor at her home. Thankfully, he was a tremendously nice guy. We all walked to a restaurant nearby and had a late dinner. I won't go into too much detail about the evening, except to say that we had a good time. I drank a little too much, though it wasn't until Saturday morning that I realized that I hadn't drank enough water, because I was dehydrated when I woke up. It was a mild hangover, but the house was alive with children making much noise, and I wanted nothing to do with it. Actually, upon further thought, I do want to mention a couple of observations that I had during the evening. Toward the end of dinner, her ex-roommate showed up and brought his current roommate. During the conversation, we discovered that we went to the same high school. He graduated the year after I did. I didn't really recognize him at first (no surprises there, I hardly recognized the kids in my own class). Upon further reflection, I do remember him, I think. And the guy hasn't grown up at all. He's still trying to prove that he's something to everyone around him. It just goes to show, that most people get trapped in themselves. I'm no exception, certain flaws continue in me, and when I'm lucky I overcome them. I can't really illustrate what he said or did that put me off, but it was familiar. It was a certain bravado that essentially proved to me that he was a little man trapped in an adult's body and God help anyone who bought into his line of BS. I had one other observation, which I'm hesitant to bring up, but I think it's really important. I'm hesitant to bring it up because context is important and my mind doesn't always work in a straight line. This particular line is an important nuance that I never fully appreciated before.
Let me start with the comment that helped me to realize this. My friend joked with me and said that if I were 6' tall, she would have snatched me up. It was a compliment, and I accepted it as such with a few jokes throw in, but it stayed with me for a little while. In part because I want the whole world to love me, and so I would take that as a challenge. The problem is that I can't do anything about my height. From there, the connection was made. I remembered how an ex of mine would make comments about everything. In general she was critical, compliments were like gold, critique was something to work on. Like a good puppy I tried to repeat good behaviors and change bad ones. Never realizing that there was nothing I could do to change the ways things had gone. So, in effect I attacked every symptom, never seeing the actual problem. I figured that I if I do this right, buy this, say that, everything will be fine. In all honesty though, when things are going well, all calculations go out the window, and I'm just me, which is better for everyone. So in a situation like this, I would be tempted to fix all of the offending things about myself in order to win this person over. Which, I now know is not true. The truth is, it's there or it isn't. In love, people don't add up. If that were the case, I would be doing fine. Instead, it's random. It's about chemistry. You can wreck it quite easily during the early stages, but you can't earn it. It was a tremendously liberating, and somewhat sad fact. After all, I've been living under the delusion that if I just get it right I'll be loved properly. It just doesn't work that way. They say you should be friends first and then it may solidify into love and passion. I don't buy it, people don't flip a switch and finally see it. If that happens it's probably more an indication that they've given up on their dream person and realize that you're the best they'll be able to catch. It's fine to readjust your expectations in life, but doing it in front of someone's eyes will seldom create the desired result. They will always feel like they are on the bubble, since your enthusiasm had to be earned and not given freely. I don't like living under those conditions and I don't imagine anyone else does either. I'm not sure that I was able to really do this topic justice, but I feel that too many people try to think there way through it and it just doesn't work that way. And no, I don't know how it works, but at least (hopefully) I won't be wasting any time trying to make something work just because the candidate is qualified. Let me rewind just a second and revise an earlier thought. I do agree that you should be friends first, but the chemistry has to be working at that point. Attraction doesn't appear. At least not in my experience. In all actuality, I'm a little concerned that because I'm extremely verbal, I demystify myself and therefore become less attractive. It's often easier to create your own fantasies about people and as long as they don't debunk it, you're happy. Could anyone really love me if they knew everything about me? How about you, could they love you? Here's hoping that we'll all find someone who will love us warts and all.
This next song is about that kind of love. It's by a group called Blessid Union of Souls. The song is called "Hey Leonardo". I just downloaded it, and found the lyrics on the internet as well. It's sappy, clever pop, and I'm posting all the lyrics. If you haven't heard the song, check it out the lyrics are expressed better in the song. It's got that pleading sort of edge to it. Goodnight all, it's late and I need my sleep.
Days until Closing: 48
Days until Moving in: 55
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Now Playing: Hey Leonardo (She Likes Me For Me) - Blessid Union Of Souls |
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She don't care about my car |
Whoa, I just got through a bout of paranoia. This stems from a diary entry that I wrote. The thing is, it's sometimes hard to write in here because not only do I have to protect myself, I also need to protect my friends. In fact, it's more important that I protect them, since they didn't ask for it, even if they do read it. Occasionally, I am conflicted about writing certain things, for fear of misrepresentation, misinterpretation, or even exploitation. In absence of interesting content, I delve inside my head and try to discover truths that exist out there. The danger lies in an inadvertent comment that may register with someone as personal. A condemnation if you will. It's not intentional, and after thinking over some things I wrote, I tried to put myself in someone else's shoes and realized that it could be interpreted as a jab toward decisions that they may have made in their own lives. We all do things in life which may hurt someone else and we make decisions that are well intentioned but don't have ideal results. I would just prefer that I minimize those sort of things. If something that I rant about in here, hits too close to the bone then by all means change your behavior. I'm just kidding, I really needed some levity there. Seriously, I do apologize and will try to continue to be careful. I honestly don't know if anyone has been upset with me for things I have written in here. If they have they haven't told me. But I would rather be safe than sorry. Most of you will not have a clue what I'm talking about here, and may even try to find the offending words. Good luck, I'm not sure that I can point out what may be offensive. I just know that it will always be a danger because I'm talking to a wide open audience, and I've got a big mouth at times.
Days until Closing: 46
Days until Moving in: 53
I can't believe the news today. I can't close my eyes and make it go away. The opening lines to U2's Sunday Bloody Sunday have relevance 18 years after they were written. I can scarcely believe it happened. It's like so many movies that we've seen where NY is attacked and the nation is in chaos. Frankly, I'm still stunned. The reality of it is still so far away from me. It's only been 4 1/2 hours since I heard the first report of the plane crash that hit one of the Twin towers at the World Trade Center. I was in my car on my way to work, and as I was listening to the report I thought this sounds a lot like the bombing in 1993. In fact I wondered if this was some sort of retrospective report of actions that occurred on this day in the past. It wasn't until the second plane crash that it became clear that this was no accident. As reports filtered in over the next two hours people stopped working and joined the throng watching whichever TV was available.
I tried to get back to work, not because I felt a burning need, but simply hoping that something could be done to advance time to the point of repairing the damage that has already been done. Sadly, nothing can repair it. Not only is the damage done, but certain facets of our lives will never be the same. This day will live on in infamy. As one of my friends pointed out today is 911. And it is an emergency. Flying will never be the same in this country. It will either be perilous or the security will be so tight that the process will be prohibitively costly and inconvenient. If the terrorists are from a middle eastern country what will be the backlash? During World War II, they put Japanese in camps in this country. (Which was wrong in my estimation), but who's to say what our government will impose or institute so that we can once again enjoy safety. We've had it good for a very long time in this country, and I'd hate to see that go away. We may not have any choice, as we react to this situation. When will life return to normal? When we can go about the business of living? How do they do it in Israel, Palestine or countless other nations facing civil wars, bombs and shootings? How did the kids at Columbine ever return to the scene of the crime? Undoubtedly their lives have been changed forever, how could it not be?
It was a surreal backdrop in which this played out. The setting reminded me of the beginning of the video for Pearl Jam's Jeremy. The video opens with all these captions on the weather. 72 degrees, partly cloudy. The sky was a perfect shade of blue and the weather was fantastic. I don't think I'll ever forget the weather on that day.
If it were only one plane accident, we'd move on. We accept accidents. How do we accept this? I'm not really sure. I'm so numb to this thing. I live 10 minutes from Dulles Airport where the plane was hi-jacked that crashed into the Pentagon which is less than 15 minutes from where I work. I'm going to go back upstairs and watch as the nation deals with this thing. There will be more to write about. After all I still haven't scratched the surface of the lives affected by this. Fortunately for me, no one that I know is in peril at this time. Thank God for that. I think it's time to start praying for those who aren't so fortunate.
I spent most of the afternoon and evening watching TV. It never really registered yesterday that it happened. There were moments where I felt myself close to crying, but it passed. I never knew when I could feel relief. I didn't know when we're supposed to carry on with our regular lives. I had an appointment to get my haircut and I called them. They stayed open so I got my hair cut. I'm glad I did, though I'm starting to doubt the powers of my hairdresser. I'm moving, so I'll probably find another place to do my hair. After I returned from my haircut, I put myself in front of the TV for the rest of the evening. I'm not exactly sure what kept me glued to the TV. Morbid curiosity? The hope for better news? Was I waiting for the heroic story? I don't know. Perhaps all of the above. There will be many heroes in this story, the sad part of that will be that in some cases, their stories won't be told because there are too many stories to tell. I ended up setting up my pillows and blanket on the couch and fell asleep to the sound of Tom Brokaw providing another subplot to this catastrophe. After all the backlash of news agencies acting more like tabloids reporters than journalists. This proves that the media has a necessary role in this society. The media has done a far better job than the government ever could in keeping people updated and informed. They didn't run a commercial, and I heard that all the major networks agreed to share footage, so that the competitive edge was off and it was simply about bringing the story home to the rest of America. There will be opportunities for abuse, but for the next couple of days it could also bring us hope. Perhaps this will bring a bit of patriotism back. It certainly has for me. Now that the period of denial, disbelief and shock has begun to wear off, mourning and sadness are beginning to creep in. I was driving home from work and the local radio station had put together a montage which included sound bites from the news interspersed into Peace on Earth by U2. It was pretty powerful and it hit me. I just wanted to drive fast and absorb it, but traffic contained me a bit. Toward the end of the song I looked above me to see a flag hung on an overpass. Someone took the time to remind us that this was done to us, not just to the people in the Pentagon and at the World Trade Center.
I've been thinking about the next phase of the recovery process. Anger. Justice. Right now, just about every leader in the world has condemned this act. Iraq didn't have anything nice to say, but I didn't expect it. Afghanistan is working on a two prong approach to it. Politically they have denounced it, but are actively defending Osama bin Ladin. At this time they are pleading with the US not to take it out on Afghanistan. What happens if we demand that they hand him over and we get him, with no war, no trouble. Is that going to be enough to satiate our desire for retribution? I don't think it will, nor do I think it's going to be that easy. Most likely they will shuffle him out of the country while they pretend that they are hunting him down. After all, he's not without his allies. Some are calling this first gauntlet of World War III. Let's hope that cooler heads prevail, because if we act foolishly here, we'll cycle from victim to bully. We won't need much justification in the world's eyes to do what we please, but we ought to be intelligent about it. By killing this guy we won't be ending the problem, but we will be removing a mouth piece. I'm not sure that it will end terrorism, it will just remove it's face. At this point in time, if his group did it, chase them down to the ends of the earth. It may sound draconian, but there methods don't exactly adhere to the Geneva convention.
It's funny, yesterday I could care less about when I move in my new home. It was so out of my mind, as it will be for the next couple of weeks. Happy days will be back, but it will take some time until we're all normal again.
Days until Closing: 44
Days until Moving in: 51
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Now Playing: Peace On Earth - U2 |
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Their lives are bigger than... any big idea. |
I've received a number of e-mails today from family and friends. Poems, essays and letters have been delivered to me. I appreciate it. I'm not one that forwards e-mails, but on this occasion I appreciate the thoughts. We're all trying to do something that will arrest our sorrow, pick up our spirits and to take back what was taken from us. I guess it's why I'm writing here on a daily basis for the first time since I started this site. I'm just trying to add my voice to the chorus. I'm conflicted. I read the news almost hourly, and a million thoughts go through my head each time I read something. It's all so indescribable. I read today that the pentagon is calling reservists up to active duty today. The could call up as many as 40,000 troops. If there was any doubt that we are headed to war, it's quickly being removed. Where are we headed? Even though I feel down to earth, I am still intrigued by prophecies. A friend sent me one of Nostradamus' predictions. I haven't looked up the actual text, but here is what she sent me:
"In the year of the new century and nine months/From the sky will come a great King of Terror/The sky will burn at 45 degrees (NY is on the 45th parallel)/fire approaches the great new city in the City of God there will be great thunder/Two brothers (the towers) torn apart by Chaos/While the fortress (the pentagon) endures/The great leader will succumb/The third big war will begin when the city is burning" ~~~Nostradamus (1654)......
There is also the odd little tidbit concerning Tecumseh’s Curse. Since 1840 every president that was elected president in a year that ended in zero, except for President Reagan died in office. If the curse hasn't been broken, The great leader will succumb. That is if you believe in this stuff. I remain skeptical, but I won't dismiss anything. I didn't make the rules.
Another interesting facet is that Osama bin Laden's hatred for America stems from our occupation of Kuwait during the gulf war. As well as our continued presence in the Middle East. Are the sins of the father visited upon the son?
These are uncertain times to be sure, and I wonder all the more what the future has to offer us. We have enjoyed unprecedented prosperity here in America. I don't believe that will be coming to an end. People are responding in amazing ways. We are resilient. If you're looking for a way to help, click on the Red Cross link. It will take you to Amazon.com which will allow you to use their system to make payments to the Red Cross. All of your money will go to the Red Cross. There are other methods you can use for payment, this is just one convenient way of doing so. As of this writing, they have already raised 3.5 million dollars. We're all in this together now. Sweet dreams. Keep praying.
Days until Closing: 43
Days until Moving in: 50
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Now Playing: Peace On Earth - U2 |
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They're reading names out over the radio. All the folks the rest of us won't get to know. |
Yesterday, I read some analysis of Nostradamus and it seems that the translation going around the internet is a stretch at best. The French translations aren't nearly so specific or accurate. One writer basically states that Nostradamus has never accurately predicted anything. His quatrains were so vague that they could be interpreted as you like them. Not unlike your daily horoscope.
Yesterday was my father's birthday. I tried to give him a call but they were out. I sent him something earlier in the week. So, happy birthday Dad.
I'm still reading the news and having done so, I've begun hearing different sides. I've read quite a bit so far on why we were attacked. I've read about the known repercussions if we retaliate. I've read about the difficulty in destroying the terrorist network. I've also read that we have no choice. It's the point of view I choose to believe, because doing nothing, usually accomplishes just that. Nothing. It's sobering. No, it's not sobering, it's unsettling. The problem is that we have no choice and once you accept that, you have to do everything in your power to complete the task at hand. Our leaders are doing that. Most of the citizens are doing that. I pray that we have learned something from our own history in this country. Some people will say that we shouldn't get into this, that we should try other methods first. I think we have, and I think they failed. If we do get into this, I think it's our responsibility and our duty to support those who are called to fight. If you don't like it, by all means use your voting power to find someone who will pull us out of it, but don't make the vets feel as they did during Viet Nam. To use a popular cliché, united we stand, divided we fall.
It appears that this will a long war, and it may not always be active. It could be a number of small skirmishes with a few large battles throw in. I expect that we'll start with Afghanistan, as it serves just about everyone around the middle east, if we remove the Taliban from power. From there we may have to go to war with Iraq. Hopefully, the major countries will end there and then we'll only have to round up the terrorists as they continue striking at different US targets. Some of which may be here on our own soil. I say only as if it's going to be easy. It's not, we'll need the full cooperation of Arab countries to accomplish this. More importantly I think we need to be sensitive to their requests. If we tread to hard on our allies, we need to know when enough is enough. May wisdom prevail, may God help our leaders to make the right decisions for not only us, but for the world.
I don't want to be an alarmist, but I do recommend that you get closer to God. I had already been heading in that direction myself, and I've realized all the more that I'm no longer invincible. Tuesday proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt. I can sleep well knowing that it's all beyond my control. I'll just ensure that the little things are taken care of. Goodnight all.
Days until Closing: 41
Days until Moving in: 48
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Now Playing: Peace On Earth - U2 |
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Sick of sorrow, sick of the pain. Sick of hearing again and again. That's there going to be Peace on Earth. |
This will be my last transmission for awhile. I'll continue to update this during the next month, but I don't think that I'll be able to publish it so that you can read what's going on. When I return after November 1, I will get a new ISP and will put up all my thoughts that I've had during that time. My new residence does not offer DSL, so I'll either have to go back to dial-up (yech!) or cable. I'll see what's available when I move. It actually saddens me to leave this place. It is meant safety and over time has become comfortable, even while it wasn't completely liberating. It's my base of operations for nearly 11 months, and the next phase of my life is a huge step. Until now, I could walk forward with the knowledge that a safety net wasn't far off. My parents, Uncle Sam, my parents, my brother, finally I'll walk on my own completely. It's exciting and scary, though I have no doubt that this is the best possible thing I could do for myself and my life in the next five to ten years.
The last few days have been devoted to tying up loose ends and moving incrementally anything that is not necessary to my day to day existence. With reluctance, I packed my stereo, and my music collection, and put them in storage. I only have a handful of items left to move. We moved my brother out today. The fellows in his church are great, they pitch in whenever anyone needs help. The power of many outweighs the power of one. I'm pretty sure they'll be helping me out when I move, and I'll be thankful if they do. Most of my stuff is not too heavy, but there are a few items.
The people that I'm buying the house from have offered to sell me a few items that they'll be getting rid of. It was really sweet; they faxed my realtor to give me first dibs on a few items. I think I'll be buying a sofa-bed and a kitchen table and chairs. I don't have a second bed, so this will allow people to come visit and have a place to sleep. Normally, I just offer my bed and I can sleep on my papasan couch. (I think that's how you spell it) I'm going to see the items tomorrow. This will allow my sister-in-law a chance to see the place as well. She's been interested in seeing it , but hasn't had a chance to see it yet.
Honey is licking my arm right now. It's probably because of the salt that's on my skin from sweating while moving furniture. She got out of the house last night. Just curious I guess. This is a stressful time for her, and it will continue to be until we get settled in my new home. My cat has gotten out of the house only twice in the last 2 years. Both times she was really frightened. She's bound to be confused by all the activity around her. I'm going to be moving her over to the new house this evening.
President Bush gave a great speech on Thursday, if you missed it I'm sorry. Because of the circumstances people are bound together and it's an amazing thing to see. He also touched on some important topics. From everything I've read this won't be a conventional war, and he's not going to try to fight it as such. He seems to be more interested in getting it right than in making it look good on TV. Now that the shock has warn off, I'm not angry, or fearful, or even really sad. I'm patiently waiting for things to develop. I'm not bloodthirsty, but I do believe something must be done. Call it justice if you will. I prefer to see it as an awaking to something that is far more threatening and evil than we previously acknowledged. Some ask why they hate us, some advocate a change in our foreign policy so that they will no longer have reason to attack us. I agree that we should probably work more cooperatively with other nations so as to benefit everyone involved, but nothing we have done excuses what happened in NYC and Washington D.C. No one will be able to convince me otherwise. Some people are calling for peaceful justice. I'm not exactly sure how we're supposed to accomplish that. The terrorists do not adhere to a justice system so how are we to bring them to justice? The fact is that unless a host country arrests them for us, they will continue to plan on new ways to lash out against us and any other entity that they disagree with. Political pressure will work to a degree, but only as pressure on the governments that are hosting these terrorists. Economic sanctions don't work very well. All it seems to do is anger the citizens, and the leaders aren't by the people for the people so it hurts them less. It just fuels the anger with America and creates new disciples to the cause. I was watching a report on the recruitment videos created for Al Qaeda. They feature a segment with kids no older than 10 years old training to be a terrorist for the cause. It's frightening really. These kids may forever be convinced that there destiny lies in pulling off the most treacherous act imaginable so as to elevate themselves to a higher place in Allah's eyes. This is just as disturbing as the little Aryan soldiers marching to the beat.
I'm not being very articulate today. I'm taking in so much information about this, and I'm really interested to know how it's going to end. I want to believe in our side, but nothing is for certain. Most people would bank on us, but that doesn't mean we won't lose more innocent people in the struggle. I was watching the speech and President Bush pointed out a woman who's husband was on the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania. Many people call her husband a hero, and they may well be right, but the look on her face was one of a widow. She was not beaming, she smiled wanly not because she wasn't proud of her husband, but because her husband was taken away. It's cold comfort when a loved one dies nobly. OK, I just realized that I'm still quite touched by this. I thought the worst was over. But just thinking of that poor woman, and listening to U2 perform Walk On for the Tribute to Heroes special that was on TV last night, sort of hits me.
If you didn't see it on TV last night, you missed many great artists performing for a good cause. I didn't see the whole thing, but I was impressed with a few of the artists performing. Wyclef Jean did a fantastic job. Members of Limp Bizkit and the Goo Goo Dolls performed Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here", which was good. Dave Matthews performed "Everyday" solo. There were other artists that performed and I missed many of them. I was lucky enough to not only watch U2 perform, but I also got it on video. I was moved when I saw it, but it's only gotten better for me the more times I listen to it. Towards the tail end of the performance U2 had backup singers join them in singing Hallelujahs. During that Bono repeats several times "See you when I get home." Which I believe is in reference to the victims, telling them that he'll see them when he reaches home (heaven). In more trivial matters, I sent off payment for two U2 tickets in Baltimore on October 19th. Since I belong to the fan club, I get a chance to get tickets through them instead of going through ticket master. This morning I also tried to get tickets through Ticket master and I was unsuccessful. Hopefully I'll get the ones for Baltimore. I haven't been let down yet, but there is always a first time.
I stayed at my new (temporary) residence last night, and it was strange. I hope the days go by swiftly. I need to get moving. I need to move Honey to her new residence this evening. Let's hope we can enjoy peace on earth some day. Take care until we speak again...
Days until Closing: 34
Days until Moving in: 41
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Now Playing: Peace On Earth / Walk On (Live Sep 21,2001) - U2 |
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Halle, Halle, Hallelujah. See when I get home Sister! Halle, Halle, Hallelujah |
The more I watch the protests against war, the more I feel that I need to put a finer point on my arguments, and my sentiments in regard to what is happening around me. It is my deepest wish that this operation only amounts to a police investigation where people are taken into custody and brought to justice. I think it would be unrealistic to believe that will be the extent of it. I also think it's irresponsible to do nothing if a nation decides that they will harbor and help terrorist organizations. So far, it appears that our leaders are not striking out blindly at our attackers. I hope that they continue to be patient and do what is necessary to stop this activity the world over. I wonder if we'll be wiser in our decisions because we have the right to be angry, and we have the right to seek justice. Or, maybe our righteousness will only seek to blind us to our ever changing reality.
I also hope that Americans in this country stop taking matters into their own hands by harassing, killing or abusing Arab-Americans or anyone else who "looks" like a terrorist. Last night, I was walking out to my car, and a large pickup drove by. They slowed down as they passed and then gunned the engine as they proceeded down the street. On the back of the pickup was an American Flag prominently displayed. My first thought was that they were trolling for Arabs, and I was grateful that I wasn't one at that moment. It sounds silly for me to be concerned, but I'm sure it happens. And I've never really trusted those in large trucks to begin with. It always seemed too Macho for me. Granted, in my travels I have met plenty of nice people with large vehicles and by in large they have them because they need them.
I'll admit that I do look closer at Americans of Arab descent. It's really hard not too. I don't really know many in general anyway. Those who are devout believers generally don't embrace the same sort of American hobbies and interests I do, so I rarely come in contact with them. I wish it weren't so, and I wouldn't take things into my own hands, nor would I know if that person were a terrorist or just an American like me. We so often want to put an evil face to the evil acts, but in this case, it's impossible. So, I just have to constantly remind myself that these folks are really no different than the immigrants that arrived in the early 20th century. At that time, there was quite a bit of resistance to the Irish, the Italians, the Jews etc. The upside to all of this that all other ethnic groups that I live around inspire less cynicism in me, and I feel a bit closer to them than before. I'm not proud of my prejudices, and I still wonder where they come from. My parents didn't teach it to me, and I've tried to choose friends who are not so ignorant as to have strong racial biases. I imagine it will be a life long battle for me. Because even indifference towards those around me seems too strong at times.
Got to go and pack up the computer now. Talk to you sooner than later.
Days until Closing: 33
Days until Moving in: 40
I just finished watching the new Fox show "Undeclared". This show is from the creator of "Freaks and Geeks", which by the way, was canceled last year because it wasn't popular enough. The public knows NOTHING. Freaks and Geeks was far superior to all other shows dealing with the teenage experience. For one, it was far more realistic and amusing than other fare. To quote the Washington Post, it's Freaks and Geeks in college. Several actors that were in F & G are in Undeclared. The first episode was quite amusing, and at times it was over the top and unrealistic. There were enough moments that struck a chord with me, even though I didn't have your traditional college experience. It seems that things are basically the same at that age. I also saw a preview for John Cusack's new film "Serendipity". It looks good and total appeals to the romantic in me. Hey, the preview is on again! I think that Lloyd Dobler may rise again. I've been looking for him since 1989. He briefly reappears in different roles, but only for a moment.
My new residence is very pleasant for now. It's definitely different. I've replaced the internet with television as my primary killer of time. My brother's parent-in-laws have been great hosts thus far. Even though they are doing me a great favor by putting me up for a month, they are treating me like a valued guest. I should be thanking them more. I'll try to do so without sounding like Eddie Haskell.
Hmm, I thought I had something more to say, but I don't. I can update the counter though....
Days until Closing: 31
Days until Moving in: 38